still, none the wiser (poetry)

mother

i can't face you entirely just yet.

i am scared of so much, which is to say it's

been a while since you last held me in your

arms.

do you even realize that you are the most

beautiful thing i have ever loved?

you look in the mirror and you see not

enough, and you kill me.

i stand behind you, as your daughter, as you,

and i die.

~~~~~~~~~~

the first time I cried in front of you was

when all I was, was yours.

your baby, your family, your girl.

i wonder sometimes, if i scared you in the

beginning.

the last time i cried in front of you was when

my grandpa died.

i wasn't that close with him and you knew

that.

so, i told you the sound of my dad's voice as

he explained his fathers death broke me.

you hugged me, and i wasn't afraid.

i wasn't afraid and you are so beautiful, mom.

~~~~~~~~~

there is so much i want to say to you.

sorry for not being perfect, even though

you deserve nothing less.

thanks for loving me on the days it was hard

to love myself.

i love you and i will never tell you good

enough.

i am you and you are me and we have been

for so, so long.

so long now.

-V