Full Bloom

Bundle of Joy

I got taken back to the maternity ward in a wheelchair. Being here reminded me just how much I hated hospitals. Everything was all sterile and white, but seeing my friends in the lobby made it a little better. A nurse gave me a hospital gown and I got changed, then into the bed.

I turned on the TV in the front of the room and told my grandpa that I was okay. He was going to take Annie to get some fast food, then come right back and wait for Mary to get her butt here.

Karen changed the channel on the TV and we started watching Friends. It made things a little better, despite my contractions getting worse and worse. Oliver was timing them. They were a little over five minutes apart.

Doctor Andrews came in once I was at the hospital for about two hours. Nassi and Karen left the room to get some snacks from the vending machine.

"How are you feeling, Jen?" Doctor Andrews asked.

"Awful," I said.

"Okay. Let's see how you're doing," she said. She quickly did an exam in my nether regions, then took her hand away. "So you're about three centimeters dilated. I'm going to come back in a while and see how you're doing."

"Great. Thank you," Oliver said.

"Ollie, I can't do this," I said as she walked out of the room.

"I know you can,'' he said, lifting up my hand and kissing it. "I'll be here the whole time."

"Aww, you're so sweet. What did I do to deserve you?" I asked.

"Uh, not pick on me like everyone else," he said.

Nassi and Karen came back. I really, really envied them for getting snacks. But honestly, I was getting pretty nauseated and I didn't want anything anyway. It was going to be a long, long night.

Once it hit nine o'clock, visiting hours were over. Nassi and Karen left, wishing me luck. They told me they hoped baby Chrys would be here in the morning. I really hoped so, too. Doctor Andrews came in for another exam, and I wasn't progressing enough, so guess what? I was getting Pitocin.

"Then gimme the epidural, too. I quit," I said, gripping the handle of the hospital bed.

"Okay, honey. We're going to do the Pitocin first, then the epidural," Doctor Andrews said.

"I don't care. I just need some relief," I said.

Once that was all said and done, the epidural kicked in, and it was nearly midnight. I was really tired, but I was so nervous that I couldn't fall asleep. I let Oliver take a break, though. He was completely passed out in the seat next to me. I listened to some music on my CD player to drown out the lady across the hall that was screaming her head off and swearing.

Time passed. I ate ice chips, hated my life, and told Oliver we weren't having any more kids. Around noon on July twentieth, 2002, after lots of screaming from myself, Chrysanthemum Everston made her entrance into the world. She was eight pounds, one ounce, and had dark, curly hair like her daddy.

Oliver cut the cord, they cleaned her up, got her in a hat and blanket, then placed her in my arms. She was dirty and red and squishy, but she was beautiful. Oliver kissed me on the side of my sweaty head.

"I can't believe we made that," he said.

"Me either," I said.

After a few minutes, everything sank in. This was actually real. I had a baby to take care of.

"Uh, Ollie?" I asked.

"Yeah?"

"I don't know what to do with her. Like, what do we actually do as parents?"

He gave me a blank stare. With all his extracurriculars, and me going to school, then being with Annie, we never took any parenting classes. I read some books, but my mind was blank. I didn't know how to change a diaper. I didn't know what formula to feed her.

Once we had lunch and the nurses took Chrys for testing, I realized that I didn't know anything about being postpartum, either. I thought my baby bump would be gone right away, but it wasn't. And I didn't know that I'd bleed a ton afterwards, either. When the nurses told me it lasted for weeks afterwards, I was shocked.

Thankfully, they showed me how to do the diaper changes, bathing, and how to position Chrys for feeding, then burping her. I felt like a horrible mother already. I was clueless. I was so afraid I'd do something to hurt Chrys, but Oliver was my comfort.

"No one is the perfect parent. Just do your best," he told me.

Two days later, we were going to be discharged. My grandpa got the car while I waited outside with Oliver on a bench. It was really, really scary to leave the hospital and the help of the nurses.

I got into the car and sat next to Chrys in her carseat. She cried the whole way home. I panicked. Weren't babies supposed to love the car and fall asleep in it? Once we got to the house, I went inside with Chrys and Oliver, swapped my pad out, then sat on the couch, holding my baby in my arms.

Oliver sat down next to me, bringing the baby a fresh bottle.

"You tested it? Is it warm enough?" I asked.

"Yup. All good," he said.

I supported her head with one arm and fed her the bottle with the other. This was already really stressful and overwhelming. Is this why my mom left me? Because it was too hard? I took a deep breath. I can do this. I can be a good mom. It doesn't matter how old I am or how scared I am, I could make this happen.