Full Bloom

Unlimited Exhaustion

Many, many years passed. I had three jobs to pay for everything. During the day, I was still the MT manager. I tried many, many times to move up in the ranks, applying for the district-level merchandising manager position over and over again.

I didn't understand why I got rejected. I was a single mom of two kids, and I had better attendance than single people. I worked sick, never called out. My team and I were near the top of our district. We hadn't had a project go late in several years. I slowly became the most experienced MT Manager.

I learned that retail was a revolving door, and there were so few of the people left in the store from when I started all those years ago. Yet, there were people with a lot less experience who were hired for the position. It made no sense. It was so frustrating. By now, I was capped in my position pay-wise and unable to get a raise.

On weekends, I still worked at the Moore's diner, just to help pay the mortgage. And a few nights a week, I worked as a corrections officer at our local jail. It wasn't too hard, since all the ladies in my unit were behind locked doors once I got in. I could sit at a computer on the lower floor and read a book.

I thought as my girls got older, things would get easier. But each year of my daughters' lives brought a new challenge. Difficulties in school for Poppy, Chrys dealing with bullies in sixth grade. They always made fun of her curly hair. Why couldn't people mind their own business?

I just kept going. Eventually, even though I was exhausted, my body started to get used to it. But soon, things were going to get easier. The mortgage on our townhouse was almost paid off. Soon, I'd be able to leave at least one of my jobs. I dreamt of a life where I had free time. I dreamt of a life where I could finally meet Nassi's kids, where Karen and I could go get a coffee. I found the strength to keep going, even when I thought I couldn't, and I was so proud of myself.

Then, when Poppy was thirteen and Chrys was sixteen, my grandpa passed away. It felt like my whole life dissolved again. I'd forgotten what death felt like. It was so awful, but when his attorney read me the will, I tried to keep my head up. I sold his house and put the money into a savings account. I was going to finally do some renovations. I could build the sunroom I always wanted, and put up a wall in my big ass bedroom upstairs so Chrys and Poppy could have their own rooms.

I found myself driving home from the jail on a Friday night. Every so often, I'd get an earlier shift on a Friday. But I was ready to just watch a late movie and see my girls, who were now fourteen and seventeen. Poppy was about to graduate eighth grade, and Chrys was going to be a senior in high school next year. She wanted to be a band teacher like Oliver. She had such a bright future. I was so proud of her.

I unlocked the front door and heard Poppy's little feet running up the stairs. I hung up my purse and walked into the kitchen. Something about Chrys was off. It was my mom senses. She wasn't herself. I looked at her and crossed my arms.

"Chrys?"

"Yeah?" she said, not looking up at me.

"What's the matter?"

"Nothing. Just tired." She turned on the sink faucet and started scrubbing a plate, much harder than usual. "A really long day."

"Oh, stop it! I know there's something bothering you. You know that you can tell me anything." I went over to the dining room table and sat down, patting the placemat across from mine, which was her spot at the table. "Come on. Let's talk."

My coaxing seemed to work, because she did actually sit down. She was a little shaky, completely not her composed, straight-A self.

"Well, what is it, Chrys?" I asked her.

She let out a long sigh and said, "Mom, I'm pretty sure I'm pregnant."

And that was how the rest of this journey started. My daughter followed in my footsteps, and before my grandpa died, I found out I'd followed in my mother's footsteps. I had no idea she was adopted by my grandparents after being given up by her mother, who was a teen mom.

I gave my girls the best life I could, just as my grandparents had even me, but history seemed like it was doomed to repeat itself. Chrys became a mom to two boys when she was eighteen, and then Poppy became a mom to my first granddaughter, Daisy, when she was sixteen.

I felt like a failure. Not just one of my girls was a teen parent, but they both were. It was so scary, but somehow after my grandkids were born, my life turned around even more. I paid off the mortgage, and after years of trying, finally became the District Merchandising Manager.

After that, I met Michael. I never thought I'd be able to love someone who wasn't Oliver, but Michael showed me how. He treated me really well, and he loved the girls and all their kids. When he proposed to me, I couldn't believe it. We had a lovely little beach wedding at a lake in the Adirondacks.

I had my girls, a beautiful new house, my grandkids, and my new husband. I had the job I dreamed of for years and years. Nassi moved away from Oak Falls, but I was finally able to spend more time with Karen, too. I was in my late thirties and my life felt complete. Until...I found out I was pregnant again!