10 Things I hate About Her (10 Things #1)

1. Sudden Disappearance

Emotions had never been something Juliana welcomed; she had preferred to fake them rather than experience them herself, but she hadn't slept in two days, or played volleyball with her acquaintances, and now, she wanted to cry. Which she found funny because she never cried. Babies cried; her annoying twin sister, Val, cried. But Juliana never cried.

Not even as a baby, or so she liked to think.

Every student in her premed program was like her; top achievers who burnt their candles late into the night to keep their averages in the nineties. Juliana wanted to be a doctor; she wanted to help people, but here she was fighting against a hundred other Julianas, and only thirty percent of them would make it into med school. Cold water rushed from the faucet as Juliana washed her hands. Chemical equations filled her mind; she balanced them in her sleep.

Her last conversation with another human was when Val had spoken to her that afternoon, 'Hey, you kind of look like shit.'

For someone with a poor attention span, Val had done pretty well for herself. She played soccer for her university team and had been offered a chance to go pro, but she had decided to become an androgynous model instead. According to Val, the world needed more handsome women—whatever that meant.

Juliana thought of the grade she had received for her Psychology essay. An eighty-nine wasn't a terrible mark, but her hands couldn't stop shaking. She needed to retain an average in the high nineties to remain in the competition. If she didn't get into med school, then what was this all for? If not a doctor, what else was she destined to become?

Juliana turned off the pipe and went into the living room. Books covered the sofa and the ground in front of it. A green blanket spilled onto the hardwood floor. Val sat on her chair, made for one person, sipping from a cup of shaved ice covered with blue syrup. Even though it was winter, Val was full Canadian and could go outside in shorts and a half-open shirt while there was still snow on the ground, and all she would get was a runny nose. She watched some Netflix show called 'Love is Dead' and was probably using it as an outlet after breaking up with Naomi for the first time.

Juliana walked over to her three-seater sofa; her head felt heavy, and the room spun as she sat down. Val turned to study her sister; warm light fell on Val's golden skin and messy black hair. Her eyes were a startling yellow; she had been born that way. Val hummed softly. "You like you need a break."

Juliana picked up her open Pharmacology book. "I'm fine."

After being put into a hasty ponytail, some of Juliana's long hair slipped free from the elastic and touched her neck.

"When did you last eat?"

The words blurred on the page, and Juliana bit her lower lip. Somehow, Val crossed the room without Juliana noticing and crouched in front of her. "Hey!" She clapped her hands in front of Juliana's face. Juliana blinked. Val said, "I got my paycheque from Ms. Davidson; her son made some decent progress with the piano. I don't mean to brag, but I guess I'm just that amazing of a teacher, so she gave me a tip for Christmas. Let me treat you to dinner."

Juliana had forgotten about dinner while focusing on finals, but now, her stomach stirred to life at the promise of something good.

Val hummed softly and pressed two fingers together. "But before we go, could you ask Naomi if she's doing anything tonight?"

"Text her yourself."

"She's mad at me because I missed her café opening; I can't just text her out of the blue. And she hasn't texted me in a few days, so I figured you could text her and ask her if she had any plans tonight."

Juliana's eyes narrowed. Basically, Val wanted to treat Naomi to dinner with her plus-sized paycheque but was too scared to do it on her own. Juliana glanced at the window. Snow gathered on the sill, and black filled the square glass. Juliana remembered that she had once had someone to laugh with and play with, but they had left after a kiss.

Juliana had done her best to find her friend, but she had simply vanished after that night. The girl had asked if they could remain good friends, and Juliana had been willing to stay by her side, so why... why had she left? Something sharp pricked Juliana's eyes and made her eyes water, but she buried the emotion before it made a further mess of her.

She hated feelings. They made her vulnerable and weak, too much like her twin. She imagined the itchy feeling in her chest that made sweat gather under her armpits was a weak fire. Then she imagined herself jumping on it, stomping it out. The weak emotion left; the girl with orange hair became little more than a blurred film that played in the back of Juliana's mind.

Val had stolen Juliana's phone and was muttering to herself while texting Naomi, "What does she mean, 'Is Val coming?'. Is Val coming? No, I'm not coming. 'Is this Val?' What—how dare she ask that? Does she think we're luring her into a trap or something?" Val's nostrils flared. "I'm not Val. I'm Juliana, and I want to eat with you, so let's meet up and hang out."

Juliana sighed and lay on the couch, stretched out her feet. For once, she emptied her mind of calculations, memorized blocks of texts and worries about the future. Her body felt much lighter, and sleep enveloped her, like a forgotten mother's embrace, sudden and warm. Black filled her vision.

***

Val shook Juliana awake. She had changed into a black turtleneck and jeans. Val had swept her hair to one side, and a few strands touched her forehead. She had sharp cheekbones and a jawline some people would die for— a gift from her father before age, and their mother's cooking made him plump.

Juliana felt the familiar sensation of dried spit on her cheek.

Val gave her a thumbs up. "You look great; let's go. Naomi is waiting for us."

Juliana blinked once, twice, then rubbed her eyes. Yawning, she stretched her arms over her head and said, "I haven't showered since yesterday; I'll take a quick wash. Tell Naomi not to leave too early; buy her some flowers or jewellery while you wait on me to get ready, and I'll see you in about twenty minutes." Juliana probed blindly for her phone, pressing the pillows around her until Val retrieved it from the coffee table and handed it to her.

Val said, "By the way, your breath kind of stinks, so you might want to do something about that while you're bathing."

Juliana stood and punched Val in the stomach. Hard.

While Val crumpled into a ball and groaned, mumbling, "You wouldn't have gotten away with this if mother was here," Juliana released her hair from its bond, letting it fall loose around her face, and went towards the bathroom without so much as a glance behind her. She paused, placing her hand on the gold knob. "If you touch any of my things, you're dead."

"I'm not afraid of you."

"You are very, very afraid of me."

In the silence, Juliana remembered all the times she had beaten up Val growing up. She twisted the knob and slipped into the bathroom, leaving her sister alone. Juliana stripped and stepped into the shower, letting the warm water run over her skin. It soothed her nerves and eased her mind. She should have done this earlier. She cupped her hands, catching water to wash her face.

***