9. Ice-Cream Shoppe

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When I was ten, I had sat on my father's lap in a booth at an ice-cream shoppe. I remembered his voice sounding so husky and warm as we talked about something I had found earlier in the day. His strong arms held me in place, and I had this sense that I should never disappoint him. In him, I trusted, and in me, he had placed his hopes and dreams. Two boys walked in: one tall, one short. One black; the other, white. The taller one leaned down and kissed his lover's lips. My father took offense; his mood soured in an instant. He lost his appetite and led me out the store, chucked the remainder of our cones in the bin and muttered something about the unnatural and disgusting manner of it all.

Through the glass windows of the shop, I saw the boys watching us, an expression of guilt on their faces. The taller one smiled meekly at me, then they both turned their backs, and I knew my father and I would be a passing memory of hate and spite. Their love wouldn't be shaken by strangers. My chest contorted with a sharp pain, and I found myself desiring to be like them. To kiss in public. To love like they did. But father didn't like that at all. He said that if we were back in Iran that sort of thing would never happen, those two would be flogged or killed. I nodded in understanding, but my heart was plagued by a great sadness that I still felt today. At ten years old, I had realized that being gay wasn't an option and if I did partake in such acts, it would have to be behind closed doors.

 At ten years old, I had realized that being gay wasn't an option and if I did partake in such acts, it would have to be behind closed doors

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The referee blew his whistle. Ten minutes left on the clock, and I had managed to score two points. Sweat dripped through my lashes and clung to my eyes, stinging, burning. My breath was hot and uneven, showing how close I was to exhaustion. The coach didn't mind. Didn't see any reason to retire me on the bench. My bones ached and screamed for rest, but there was no rest for them. He crossed his hands over his walrus belly and barked orders at us. I tuned him out, taking the throw- in from outside the boundary. My teammates meshed with the players from the other school. I thought of last night and the condition I had found Naomi in- her clothes hastily drawn on, and the scent of alcohol escaping every pore.

My head wanted to focus on the game, but my heart was on her, wondering if she were all right and if the rumors were true. And if they were- what should I do then? Who would counsel me on how to proceed? I caught a glimpse of Dana's number five ducking left and sprinting towards the goal. I gathered every ounce of strength I possessed and threw the ball in front of her. It went off to the side at a slight angle, but she captured it by stretching her long legs. The rebound off her shin went towards the enemy defence and I held my breath. It bounced off the defender's head, Dana caught it with her chest and went for the goal. She shot it between the goalie's legs, and it slammed into net. The crowd cheered her name and the air shook from the vibrations of their yells, mimicking the intensity of repetitive claps of thunder as they stomped their feet and clapped.

In the audience, I saw Cassandra pull her cap low and knew that my fate was sealed. I had violated our agreement and would pay the price soon. Turning back to the game, I watched as our opponents reset the ball. I didn't see a small girl run behind me, and I was puzzled when I noticed a fluttering brown pony tail off to my side. While I was distracted, her teammates passed the ball towards her. Trouble was it was off by a bit and having my head turned, when I did face the direction of the ball's trajectory, it honed in on my face like a missile. There were only milliseconds to react. The ball collided with my nose, snapping my head back before dropping on the grass with a soft thud. Voices whipped in and out of focus. Blood trickled down my nostrils and slipped between parted lips. I tasted it, gagged on its thickness and salty flavor.

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