Haruhi's Sister

Chapter 14: Guilt and Hurt

It was Ranka's phone that had rung and he was quick to answer it with a squeal of "Shin dear! You're awake! How are you feeling? Oh I'll call the doctors!" It seemed he was cut off as a hoarse and tired sounding shin said "I already called them but what happened? I just remember hearing the host club at my door and getting angry. Am I in a Clean room at the hospital?..... Is Kyoya with you?" Her voice sounded different from anytime the host club had heard it before, it wasn't mature and matter of fact like usual but it also wasn't whiney like it got when she was uncomfortable. Instead it was raspy and timid, she seemed hesitant and maybe even a bit nervous as she asked for kyoya. Ranka had a wide knowing smile on his face as he excitedly said "oh I'm not to sure what happened either but you're right Kyoya got you into a clean room at the hospital and he is right in front of me, would you like to talk with him? Perhaps he'll be willing to fill you in on all the little details you're missing. I know it'll make you feel better if he does." Ranka shot a wink towards kyoya as he spoke, before handing him the phone a moment later and cheekily saying "it's for you kyoya dear! Take your time. In the meantime why don't the rest of us go down to the cafeteria and figure out something yummy for shin to eat? Kyoya I think you know where shins room is, it might make her feel better if you talk with her face to face, at least through the glass window."

Kyoya was a bit shocked as the phone was shoved into his hand and Ranka basically forced him to talk with shin alone. He had an idea of why the crossdresser had winked at him but the thought made his chest feel tight as more conflicting emotions welled up in him. He pushed them back down, trying to calm himself and get back to being his usual logical self. After one long deep breath he put the phone to his ear and spoke with a slight wavering to his voice to his own annoyance "Shin? How are you feeling?" Despite not actively thinking about it Kyoya found himself doing as Ranka had suggested and walking towards shin's room as he spoke.

Kyoya could hear just how tired shin was in her voice as she answered his question "Honestly I'm almost positive I'm dying but that's not why I asked about you. I wanted to say thank you and Apologize for the way I reacted earlier when we were at my house. When you all suddenly appeared and Suoh started demanding access to my room I.... I got scared and as I've learned it seems I have a bad habit of lashing out when scared. I keep hurting you because of my fear and I'm deeply sorry for that, Kyoya. I don't mean to keep showing you how ugly I am. I'm sorry-." Her rambling was broken off by a sniffle and a hiccup as she'd been holding back her tears as she spoke.

Kyoya had finally gotten to the window of her room and his heart broke at the sight he saw there. Shin was curled up on the hospital bed, hugging her knees to her chest as tears streamed down her pained face. Snot poured from her nose as he heard her sniffle over the phone. Again kyoya was struck with a torrent of emotions at seeing the normally picture perfect Shin broken and disheveled. He was overwhelmed with a need to do something, he wanted to help her, to soothe her. He hated seeing her like this, she looked so weak and frail and it was even worse knowing he was the reason she was like this. He felt his own anger flare up at her guilt and criticism towards herself. He couldn't help thinking she should be blaming him, after all it was his fault she kept getting hurt, not hers. He didn't know how to help her without touching her but the more he reached out the more hurt she seemed to get. It killed him that he couldn't help, he couldn't go in the room and wipe away her tears and hug her.

As a strangled sob rang out over the phone kyoya realized he was being pathetic, standing there staring at a beautiful girl breaking down and he couldn't even figure out how to properly console her. It was ridiculous really, he was a host, comforting women was his job, he'd never been unsure before. He was good at using his words and that's exactly what he needed to do. He cleared his throat before finally speaking up, placing his hand on the window to Shins room to try and get her attention "Shin, please look at me." When her panicked eyes met his he steeled his expression to one of determination as he continued deciding to take on all her concerns one at a time "while I do appreciate your Thanks I must make it clear that you have nothing to apologize for aside from not informing me of the effects such a large amount of stress would have on you. If I'd have known you would become so sick after yesterday I would have put you in a hospital right away...."

Kyoya sighed as he realized he was getting off track and turning the blame onto shin despite trying to assure her she had nothing to apologize for. He took a deep breath and closed his eyes, trying to center his thoughts before continuing "I suppose what I mean to say is, that you're apologizing for the wrong things. Your reaction to having the host club in your home, unannounced while sick was not unreasonable. We are the ones that should be apologizing to you for coming to your home without prior notice or permission. Also please note that while your slapping me yesterday did hurt I must insist that you were not in the wrong, I was the one that touched you while you were upset despite knowing how much you hate to be touched and so in that respect I am completely to blame for not coming up with an alternative to calm you down. Also if it were not for the host clubs insistence that we all go to my family's resort you would never have been under so much stress in the first place. If we hadn't gone to the resort none of this would have happened so I must also take the blame and apologize for forcing you into such a situation in the first place."

As kyoyas face clouded over with stress and guilt as he lectured shin, the young girl couldn't help feeling both comforted and hurt. She didn't know why he was being so kind to her but she almost wished he would stop. The nicer he was the more she fell for him and the more she fell the more heartbroken she felt. She'd never wanted to touch someone more but she was sick and she would rather die then let anyone into the room that didn't need to be. Especially not someone she cared so much for. The thought only made more tears stream down her face as her head started to pound from all the crying she'd done. She was starting to get sleepy again as her limited amount of energy was quickly being used up thanks to all the sobbing but she managed to croak out a sad thought sparked by her growing fever "please stop being so nice, I'll get the wrong idea if you keep treating me like that."

This mumbled objection that didn't seem to have anything to do with what kyoya was saying seemed to break his train of thought as he instantly lost the point of whatever he was saying and mumbled a confused "what?" In return. But it was to late, all the tears and stress had finally taken their toll and shin had fallen back asleep. Kyoya couldn't help his frustration as he said "wait shin, what do you mean?" Only to be met by near silent snores.

A heavy sigh left Kyoyas lips as he ended the call and thought about what she'd said. It was clear what she'd meant but kyoya couldn't seem to wrap his head around it. And the thought that Shin could have feelings for him was enough to make his chest seize and his head swim. His eyes watched shin's sleeping face, covered in mucus and tears and felt a deep need to do something for her. So he called over a nurse and had them go into the room to clean up shins face while she slept. The process was tedious for the nurse but Kyoya knew shin would be more comfortable with a clean face and he didn't want her father or the host club to see her like that.