My Heart's Desire

XVI. Going Nowhere Soon

Man I really need to learn how to proof read before I post...rip. ANYWAY, maybe one day this story will have a cohesive plot line that has an ending, but for now it will continue being my emotional support collection of weird thoughts randomly strung together. <3 thanks (from the bottom of my heart) for still reading/liking/commenting)
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I tried to go back to sleep but, every time I closed my eyes, Daniel's smile from between my thighs plagued my mind. I got up as carefully as possible, trying not to wake Jake up as he slept soundly next to me. I grabbed my workout clothes and my sneakers. If a run didn't solve this, what would?
As I ran, my playlist shuffled in an order that had me begging for mercy from the universe. As I was hitting my stride, Girls by The Dare came on and I was thrown into a memory of Danny and I scream singing it at each other one night during karaoke. This is stupid, I had quite literally the sexiest, most talented, sweet, caring man asleep in my bed. A dumb dream should not rock me like this.
***
"Ok, but while we have a few minutes, can I tell you a TMI thing?"
Clara looked at me with wide eyes before scoping out the room. Ever vigilant of our TMI talks only having 2 sets of ears listening.
"Oh my god yes! Is Jake secretly into feet? I feel like yes because he uses his hands so often I really makes sense-"
"CLARA!" I interjected. Slightly regretting my confidant.
"Sorry" she shrugged laughing "gotta keep you on your toes" Ending her terrible joke with a wink. I rolled my eyes and turned back to the clothes I had left to steam.
"So, after the wedding... I kinda.. well not consciously... but... and it's just stuck in my mind... like of course I've had these before, but not with anyone that I actually knew..."
"Spit it out woman we have 10 minutes 'till half hour."
"I had a sex dream about Danny while literally asleep next to Jake after our wonderful first full  night back together. And it's haunted me ever since." I took a deep breath, having speed confessed the whole thing.
Clara's eyes got wide but then she burst into a fit of giggles. As my cheeks burned bright red I couldn't decide if I wanted to join her or burst out crying.
"Rosie, sex dreams are normal! Though, it does suck it wasn't Jake."
"Right, it was just hard timing because they just got back. Danny was being really sweet and it caught me off guard. And the night Jake and I had was spectacular. I just... I wish my brain could just let it go."
"Have you talked to Jake about it?"
"Why in the world would I tell my boyfriend I've had a sex dream about his friend slash brother!?"
She put her hands up in defense, "maybe it's plaguing you because you feel guilty for having it... Even though technically, it wasn't your fault."
I nodded and took a moment to think about it clearly, my crowded overthinking brain could finally see the forest through the trees.
"I guess it's not a big deal?" I said not fully confident in my statement.
"Exactly, I think the bigger question is, why were you so effected by it?"
"Well... at the wedding I got too into romanticizing everything. It got so bad I thought Danny was hitting on me."
"Did you want him to?" She asked folding a reusable bag and packing the extraneous supplies up. I turned to her, putting the steamer on its stand, lost in my memory of that night.
"No...I don't think so... While he's great, I just can't see myself with anyone else but Jake. And I think that's what ultimately scared me, I've committed to Jake and I'm unsure if it's 100% reciprocated. Rockstars don't exactly have the same reputation for sticking with one gal on the road." I had also started to pack away as I was monologuing my fears.
"Has he ever done anything to make you feel that way? The man wrote you letters for fucks sake!" She laughed and I couldn't help but join. I took a beat as I kneeled picking up the last pair of extra shoes. It finally hit me.
"Oh I'm being SO silly" I whined covering my face with my hands standing up and turning to her as she beckoned me in for a hug.
"Listen, as a completely objective third party viewer of your love life, you haven't had much good." she pulled us apart, her hands on my shoulders. "So I get it, your brain is trying to pump the breaks and make sure you don't get hurt. But that's the game we play with love. And that's coming from the girl who hardcore flirted with the Sam Kiszka before I realized he wasn't single. Talk about embarrassing."
"To be fair, he returned the flirting." I said stepping away from the embrace. "And, you know I hear Danny is single." I winked in her direction as she scoffed.
"Listen, we've got enough trouble with you dating a client. Let's not make it two for two." I nodded.
***
"A rose for my Rosemary." Jake pulled a single yellow rose from behind his back. He surprised me by getting to the venue early, well... on time. Which was 15 minutes earlier than normal, as he was normally 15 minutes late.
"Your flower budget must be insane." I smiled as I leaned in for a kiss.
"Just say the word and every room you walk into will have flowers." He shot me finger guns as I grasped my heart and swooned for dramatic effect.
"And they say Josh is the grand romantic gesture type."
"Oh please, who do you think he consults for all his wooing tactics." He said bowing as I giggled. I gave him his new suit to wear, this one was one of my favorites, it was embroidered with famous stained glass windows throughout history.