No Matter What

We're Almost There

"Okay, before we go in, I need a drumroll," I said to Dani as we stood in the hallway.

"Oh of course. How could I forget?" she said.

She started slapping her palms against the thighs of her jeans.

"And I present to you...the completed nursery!" I said, opening the door to Annie's old room in the most dramatic of fashions.

"Wow! This is wonderful. It reminds me of something out of my mom's catalogs," Dani said.

I was so proud that we'd finally finished my showroom-worthy, space-themed twin nursery for our boys. I really wanted to go all-out. We purchased some peel and stick wallpaper on Etsy, so all the walls looked like the night sky. The ceiling was coated with my favorite glow-in-the-dark stars, and a solar-system projector was on top of the dresser, right next to the blue peanut-shaped changing pad.

"Ah, I see you had to get the curtains with Pluto," Dani said, pointing out all the cartoon planets on the curtains hung over the front window. "Pluto is your favorite."

"Yeah-huh! Can't have solar system anything unless it's got Pluto!" I said, making the both of us laugh.

"Check out the sheets for the cribs! They're so cute," I said, coaxing her to the other side of the room.

Each gray crib had matching dark blue and white moon and star sheets for our two baby astronauts.

"I like this interesting fan," Dani said, pointing to the silver object next to the window.

I laughed. "That's a purifier. Preemies are a lot more susceptible to germs. We have one upstairs and one downstairs."

"I see. And babies are far too small to wear a mask," she said.

"That they are," I said. "But here, check this out!"

In the corner was my favorite item: a rocket ship bookcase. This was mounted to the wall, like their cribs and dresser. I'd seen far too many videos and headlines of babies getting into furniture and it falling on them. Everything was so light and cheap these days. I made my dad mount every single thing in the room.

"I'm very proud of you and Connor. You guys did really good," Dani said, beginning to play with the fidget toy she took out of her pocket. "I'm sad that you won't be at school. I will miss you a lot when you are not in Miss Shen's room."

"Yeah, I know. But the year is almost over anyway. We're both going to graduate anyway," I said, sitting down in my rocking chair. "Hey, they're kicking again. Do you want to feel?"

"Oh yes!" she said, trotting over. She placed her hand on my baby bump, where the kicks were actually visible through my maternity sundress. "They're alive!" she said in her mad scientist voice, which made me laugh.

"You ready to go downstairs and play a game?" I asked her.

"Yes. We will play the unicorn game."

"That's the one you want? Okay. You got it. Let's go," I said, hoisting myself up from the rocking chair.

Once Dani left, Connor and I were doing some more shopping after we went out for dinner. Like many other stores, our local Buy Buy Baby was closing down, so we were trying to take advantage of the sales.

We went inside and I grabbed a cart, but unfortunately there wasn't much to be found. They were selling all the fixtures and even the mannequins. It was really sad. When all of my little cousins were born, this was where we bought all of the gifts for them.

With all the local stores changing, it felt like all of Oak Falls was different. I realized that my boys would be growing up in a totally different world than I was. It felt stressful, but right now everything felt stressful.

"How about we go next door?" Connor asked.

"Yeah. We may as well. There's practically nothing left here," I said.

We went next door to Target, where we stopped over in the maternity section. There were still a few things I needed to prepare myself for my C-section. It was hard to believe Dr. Khan was going to cut through several layers of my abdomen and pull my babies out. Good thing I wouldn't be looking at it.

"I don't know which one I want," I said, looking at all the belly wraps.

"Just get one of each and I'll return the ones you don't like," Connor said.

"Good thinking," I said, throwing three different wraps in the cart.

I also picked up a peri bottle, a few different pain meds, a heating pad, some slippers, and a box of stool softener (gross). After that we went into the feminine products aisle, where Connor looked super uncomfortable. I grabbed pads, then aloe and witch hazel. I'd seen all these TikToks about maxing "padsicles" to put in your freezer. Apparently they were great for after C-sections too, since I was still supposed to bleed a lot.

It really freaked me out; just how much my body was going to go through. The spinal block, the cutting, the delivery, the stitching, my organs being rearranged, and bleeding more than I've bled on the heaviest period of my life. I felt like a lot of movies and TV shows never really talked about postpartum care and how much we really have to go through.

We paid for everything, stopped at the Starbucks in the front of the store for drinks, then went out into the parking lot, which was coated with slush.

"Hey, don't forget to pack your hospital bag in case we need it after Friday's appointment," Connor said as I put the bags in the trunk.

"Psh. We'll be fine. I'm not supposed to go to the hospital for another week," I said, closing the trunk as he settled into the fan. I walked around the side and got in the driver's seat. "We made it this far. I'll be fine on Friday."

"Okay, if you say so," Connor said, giving me a quick peck on the cheek. "Let's get back to your place and unload all of this."

"Yup. Let's go," I said, pulling out of the parking lot and not even realizing that "I'll be fine" would be my famous last words in terms of what was about to happen on Friday.