No Matter What

Everything In-Between

The next few weeks were really strange. I didn't know how to be a teenager that wasn't in school. After the first week, I could finally start doing my online classes. I had a lot of emails back and forth with Miss Shen about everything. She was amazing.

A week and a half in, I was going stir crazy and wanted to go back to work. I missed being in my cubicle with my headphones and doing random things while getting paid. I begged Aaron, and he sent me some data entry stuff I could do on my own time when I was done with my classes and homework.

I was still trying to get used to being a mom that didn't have her babies. I'd visit the NICU every few days, and I was still pumping every few hours. The hospital said they only had a few weeks until their feeding tubes were removed and we could give them bottles.

Three weeks after being in the NICU, Connor and I got to hold the boys for the first time. The nurses were showing us how to do skin-to-skin contact, even with all their little wires on them. When they put Aries on my chest, I felt what I described to Connor as "an explosion of emotions."

I thought I loved my babies more than anything in the world, but having them right where with you...there was just nothing like it. I'd love them both no matter what, and I'd do anything to protect them.

A few weeks later, we went to Annie's baby shower. I was happy that she got to have one, since I didn't. We didn't know when the babies were coming and what complications there would be, and I also hated being around people, so in a way I was glad we never had one.

Annie chose a green and white "two peas in a pod" theme for her baby shower. It was super cute. She made sure to choose a different bakery for her cake this time, and everything about the cake was perfect. Our whole family was there, and I was so glad Connor got to come.

It hit me at that moment that I was officially going to be an aunt at the end of June. In a span of three months I'd go from a somewhat regular teenager, to a mom, and then to a mom and an aunt. I just couldn't wait for baby Oliva and baby Dawson Jr. to get here. The suspense was killing me.

The weekend after Annie's baby shower, I got to finally see Dani again, where we went to the very first Oak Falls Autism convention. Dani was over the moon, because her mom paid for a meet-and-greet with a notable author who was going to be there. Apparently this girl wrote a Star Wars book with a nonverbal autistic main character, and now it was getting adapted into a movie series.

"This is going to be the greatest day of my life. I am going to meet Myla Watters and have her sign my book!" Dani said as we stood in line, clutching the book to her chest.

I smiled. "I'm happy for you, Dani. I'm glad you're living your best life."

"Thank you," she said.

I felt so calm, even though the convention center was busy. I was surrounded by other people with sensory issues, so all the lights were dimmed and there were so many people of all ages with headphones and fidgets, just like me.

"Myla Watters, it is so nice to meet you! You're my hero!" Dani said to the author sitting behind the table.

I didn't know she was so young. I pictured established authors as much older ladies, I guess.

"Aww, why thank you!" said Myla Watters.

"No, thank you for writing a character that is so much like me. I have never read another book with a main character that is autistic. You make people like us feel seen and heard. We exist and we are real people who can do amazing things, like your character Jett," Dani said, handing her the book. "I brought my personal copy of Silent Jedi for you to sign."

"Of course. What's your name, my dear?" asked Myla.

"Dani Burns. Spelled D-A-N-I B-U-R-N-S. Some people think it's Dani with a Y, when it isn't," said Dani.

"You got it, Miss Dani," said Myla.

We said goodbye to Myla and I took a starstruck Dani around the rest of the convention center. I was really excited that they had those sensory floor tiles I'd seen online. I tested them out and they were amazing. They cost over a hundred dollars for a set of six, but I had to have them. They'd also go great in the boy's room.

Two weeks later, it was time to take all four of my finals: math, chemistry, reading, and history. I had to go back into school, with all of my other peers who knew that I'd given birth at eighteen. I made sure to stay close to Connor and his posse, so no one said anything.

Like when I took all my other finals, I got to have a private room and extended time. On Thursday, when I got through the last one and we were all done, I went out for ice cream with Connor and all his friends.

They were talking about graduation afterparties, but I wasn't paying any attention. I just ate my chocolate ice cream and zoned out. I couldn't believe I was really, officially done with high school. The only thing left was graduation.