The courting trap

Irreversible Damage

We woke up with our hand intertwined this morning, the bed felt like a cloud and the coolness of the silk was the perfect temperature. That and the fact that things were actually going alright between Nicholas and I for once made me stay in bed a little longer than I was supposed to. Estelle did not wake me up this morning, I'm not sure if that's just since it's our honeymoon or if this will be this way forever because I am married now.

The way she acted yesterday left me thinking, she acted cold towards me and I have never seen her do that before. I kissed Nicholas on the cheek and made my way over to Estelle's chamber, or I tried to. I had absolutely no clue where it was located. I asked one of the maids and she pointed me towards her room, unfortunately it was empty.

I think I almost had every room of the place and I still hadn't found her. The only place I hadn't looked yet, were the stables.

Once my perfectly polished blue heels met the dirty stable floors covered with straw, is when I saw her.

She sat next to Lucy in the stable, scratching her under her chin. "Estelle?"

"Yes." She doesn't acknowledge me any further than the short one-word answer.

"I think we should talk."

"I agree." She looks at me now, her brows furrowed. This is the first time I've seen het angry, and it's at me. "Sit down."

I know I am the princess here, and I should not be taking orders from anyone, but the tone in her voice made me quickly oblige without contradicting.

I sat down next to her on a hay bale. She let go of Lucy and turned her body towards me. Lucy starts nudging me in my face, asking for scratches and I give them.

"What are you doing?" She asks sternly without context. I could interpret that answer in ten different scenarios.

"What?" I ask confused.

"With Nicholas, what are you doing?" She waves her hands around while she talks. She sounds almost desperate to learn the answer.

"I don't quite understand, what am I doing according to you exactly?"

She rolls her eyes, I scoff. If she weren't my best friend she would be in trouble. "Acting like you love each other. Being playful together and all the kisses. What are you doing? Why?"

"Because he's my husband?" I ask confused at her irritation.

"I know that obviously, but you've seemed to be forgotten what he did to you." She crosses her arms.

"You've seem to be forgetting what I did to him." I raise my tone, laughing in irritation.

"And what is that?" She raises her brows in a mocking manner.

"I almost tried to kill him in his sleep." I whisper, not wanting any eavesdroppers to hear.

"Oh alright, and what did he do in return?"

"What do you mean?"

"I know him well enough to know, Victoria, that he would not just let that go without doing any harm to you in return."

"Well he put the dagger at my throat, but it's only fair since I did that too."

"Oh my lord!" She stands up with her hands in her hair, pacing around the small stable. "You should hear yourself!"

"My ears are just fine, thank you. I don't get where this is coming from." I stand up too, to meet her height.

"You have been acting like you have the perfect little marriage, it makes me nauseous."

"Excuse me?" I furrow my brows, she's offending me now. She has no idea what this situation is like for me and cannot blame me for trying to make it more bearable, she should try walking in my shoes and then she wouldn't act this judgmental. I'm just trying to make the best out of a difficult situation.

"You do remember he took me away from you right?"

"Yes, and he made you come back." You can't say he hasn't tried fixing most of the things he did.

"That's not the point!" She shouts. "It's the principle. He took your best friend away from you because you put stones in his bed. One problem outweighs the other by a lot. He clearly his mental problems."

"Don't talk about him like that." I grit.

"Stop defending him!" She cries out. "If he's so perfect, huh? Where is Willow? The horse you've owned for years and that you love more than anything, where is she? He's the main reason she disappeared, I'm curious to know how you'll defend that one."

I stay silent for a beat too long, "Exactly." She says as she turns around to leave. "Estelle." I speak up, she stops in her step, turning around to look at me. "It is not your place. And it never will be, you need to learn the boundaries." I walk past her, heading back inside.

When I head through the corridors back to my room I can't help but sniff to keep the tears at bay. I don't appreciate the way she handled it but she had a point.

I open the door to my chamber. Nicholas lays on his stomach, face towards me. His eyes slowly open. "Hey." He murmurs with his face half way in his pillow.

"Hey." I repeat monotone. He raises his head from his pillow, eyes pinched closed to shut out the light of the room. "Are you okay?"

"No."

He turns so he sits on the bed now, rubbing a hand over his face. I stand still in the doorway. He pats on the mattress next to him, wordlessly urging me to sit down besides him. I don't move.

"What's wrong?"

"Why are we acting so normal?"

"Sorry?" He chuckles in confusion. "What do you mean by that exactly?"

"Why are we acting like nothing happened?" I throw the door shut behind me.

"Like what didn't happen?" He tries to look at me, but his eyes only open halfway, still not used to the light.

"I don't know...you making my mother sell my horse, us almost killing each other?!" I rest my hands on my hips.

"I thought we agreed to leave that behind us?" He says softly.

"Well maybe I can't!" My voice picks up. "My horse is still gone and she means so much to me."

"I know that b-"
"-you never even apologised for that, you know!" I cut him off.

"Well if you want to start that, where are my letters?" He gets out of the bed, walking over to me and stopping at me feet.

I huff. "Are you seriously comparing some words on paper to a living and breathing thing?"

He slams his fists on the door behind me, my head between his arms now as he leans towards my face. "Those letters meant everything to me, and I will never be able to get them back!" He snaps.

"Why? Are the from your lover?" I smirk, not able to believe his ridiculousness.

"They were from my mother." He grits out slowly.

If they're from his mother, why does he care so much? I thought she didn't love him, why does he even waste a minute of his day thinking about her? "So? Don't you hate her? Every time I bring her up, you try to attack me. I bet when someone mentions you to her she doesn't even as much as blink an eye, as a matter of fact, why wasn't she at the wedding of her own son?"

With every word I speak his jaw clenches more, and his face tenses harder by the second. "Pretty hard to attend when you're dead." Her murmurs in a low threatening tone.

My heart sinks to my stomach, absolutely speechless.

How can I be so stupid? I sometimes let my anger speak for me and then I draw conclusions to paint another person negatively too easily, most of the time they don't turn out to be reality and I must deal with the consequences of my actions and lie in the bed the way I made it.

He pushes off of the door, grabbing his trousers and hoisting them up. I am still stood in the doorway, frozen.

"Move." He orders coldly. I immediately step aside, not wanting to provoke him anymore than I already did.