My personal diary

Prologue

10.04.2024

Hello,

I know I have my personal offline diary but this is because whenever I am not near my diary.

This to vent out everything.( not for the reason that right now I have nothing to do as I don't have internet on my phone )

Official greeting aside, at my first day in my institute 02.04.2024 when we were walking toward the institute from our cars. A girl came up to me and she said are you with someone, I told her that the people from my school were merely colleagues of mine nothing more. I was already nervous for my first time in this kind of place. I was literally counting in my head 123 to calm my nerves down. It felt weird to talk with someone on my first day as I was kind of a shy girl She asked me if I wanted be friends, I agreed. We sat together in these uncomfortable benches. I told her that we can sit behind the boys where the benches were empty as there are more girls in our Bach. She said that she didn't want to as that would be weird. At first day I agreed too but I couldn't sit in the uncomfortable benches tightly crammed together with other girls. Next day I sat with another person at the back of the class which I knew from my previous school. I forgot to tell this but we met another girl on the first day. She was very shy.

Today, the first girl didn't talk to me that much because I don't want to sit in a crammed place when I could sit comfortably as it distracts me from studying. Now she doesn't talk to me much because I guess I didn't sit with her. Now she only talks and sits with the shy girl. I don't know how but I can tell how a person feels towards me. We are now just saying hello in the hallway friends. I think we will be friends if she realises that I want to talk to her. I am not like every person. I think she just fears as she is a very introverted girl.
I was left alone the first time in the institute.

I got another friend but she again had her own friend so she sat with her friend that she knew more longer than me. It is true that people find comfort with someone whom they know for a longer while. I think people don't try to make new friends as much as they are in their own comfort level. I know i was like that too. But who will be friends with new people. There are only a few persons who take risk and try to experience the whole new thing of making differnet and new kind of friends. I was left alone the Second time.

Yesterday was the day that I talked to a girl properly because she sat with me as her friend was absent. Today, when she came in class she didn't talk to me much as her friend came so that was that. I was left alone a third time.

Now I am sitting alone on my own bench.

Sad right.

What is the point of making friends if I leave them every four or two year. This is shit. To think I was first in a school for 3 years from ukg to 4 grade, I made plenty of friends. Also at that age you didn't care much about these things.

Then I was in another state and a completely different board, for four years, at first everyone had some or other friend and I was the quiet and rude one there. Then I made a best friend. I had to leave. Then I was in the same state where i did my schooling from previously at first everyone again had a friend so I was again the quiet and shy one this time because of covid guess my personality changed. After a long time and fighting of no reason of my own, I became best friend with two girls. Then again after four years I left. Now I am in an institute for two years, again there will be struggles and I will have 1 friend or no friend, Then again I will be I don't know what I will be I guess.