𝐈𝐍 𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐒𝐇𝐀𝐃𝐎𝐖 𝐎𝐅 𝐌𝐀𝐆𝐈𝐂 || 𝐒𝐄𝐁𝐀𝐒𝐓𝐈𝐀𝐍 𝐒𝐀𝐋𝐋𝐎𝐖

Chapter Nineteen: Discourse

Chapter Nineteen

"What if I did something wrong and I don't even know it?"
"What if I'm the one causing my own grief?"
"Goodness, what is wrong with me? Why can't I get out of my own head? Why is this happening to me?!"

These were the thoughts plaguing Matty's mind. She had been sitting on the sofa in the Room of Requirement for quite some time now, telling her friends that she was simply studying when in reality, she was shedding tears and panicking.

It felt like she was going insane, that something was pulling her sanity from her mind as easily as pulling a piece of string. It had left so quickly, that she was left confused. Her mind was still plagued with the possibilities of what was going on. Her timeline pieced together well but nothing else made sense. Nothing about the way she felt, the way she was acting, none of it made any sense to her.

And that "vision", the fact that it felt so real. It was disturbing her in more ways than someone would think. And as she was sitting on this sofa, thinking of all the possibilities that could possibly be correct, she came to a terrifying observation.

What if that "vision" was not a vision, but rather, her viewing something that she had done while being completely unaware that she had done it?

Mr. Hawthorne's death, when she saw it, felt much different. It started out much like her other nightmares. It was her being warned that something bad was going to happen or had already happened to him. But this most recent one? She wasn't so sure anymore and it was eating away at her from the inside out.

"What have I done? What have I done?" She asked herself over and over again, putting her head in her hands.

This was a question not only trying to figure out what exactly she had done—but also to display how she felt. She was suspicious of herself, worried that because of this, she had done something terrible. She now believed she was the one who had killed those four people in Aranshire without even being aware of it and it was killing her from the inside out.

How was she even capable of harming someone innocent in this way? She had never desired to harm anyone, only resorting to it when it came to defending the lives of the innocent. Death was nothing new to her—but her murdering people surely was.

The worst part? She didn't even know if she had done it. She could purely only go off of superstitions and what seemed to be the most probable. Most would cross off the possibility of them doing it immediately, as they would obviously not want to face punishment for something that they did while unaware of their actions. But Matty was so overwhelmed with the guilt of a crime she only possibly committed that it was now plaguing her mind and was seemingly the only answer she had left.

She was trembling quite a bit, trying her best to hold back tears. It felt as if her mind was slipping and everything was breaking down.

What was she even going to do? Who was she going to tell or who would she ask for help? Could she even tell anyone? "No, no, get a grip on yourself, Matty." She whispered harshly to herself, trying to wipe her tears. She was fighting her mind for control over her own body. It was as if she was at war with her own mind and she hated it.

"You're going to get answers, just calm down." She told herself, taking a deep breath. She didn't push the possibility of her being the one to commit the murders to the side but she knew she couldn't just to conclusions. Otherwise, all of this distress would be for nothing.

She was going to calm down and find a way to get answers. She needed to remember what had happened that night—clearly. Not wanting her mind to influence her memories because, at this moment in time, it was unsensible with how it was trying to convince her she had committed the murders and she was just trying to cling to anything sensible she had left.