Misery Blues

Chapter 19 - Roxas's Story

Roxas's P.O.V 

I feel my hands shake as I relieve the whole experiance. Letting the words fall out of my mouth and letting Roni hear them. I don't want her to think of me differently after this, I don't want her to hate me. But, she has the right to know. I mean, I know what happened to her - shit, I witnessed what happened to her. She was strong through it; she seemed to get closure once she spoke about it - maybe I could too. I mean, my pain is long over and done with - but there is still an ache in my chest everytime I think of it. I want that to go away, I want to live normally, without nightmares or having to see the worried expression on Diana's face. I want to be free. 

I don't exactly remember how or when it really started. But, the one thing I can remember is being five or six and being to ashamed to go to school. My clothes were hand me downs and practically used for rags when I wasn't wearing them. My hair was short and un-even because my mom never wanted to spend money on hair cuts, so she always just gave me kitchen shears and told me to 'Cut the Rats Nest.'  We lived in a small shack that was never clean, no water, no heat and no electricity. My mom was hardly ever home, and when my dad was he would be either be high or beating the shit out of me. Being an abused child myself, I know the signs of abuse. I know when people have to cover up the bruises and lies. I was there once. 

My mom left us that year, met a man who could support her, put food on the table. He had no idea she had a son, of course. Hell, sometimes I think she forgot she had a son herself. She just left me there to Rot with my father, she closed that chapter of her life and never looked back. Sometimes I wondered what happened to her, is she still alive? Is she happy? Because, I never was. 

My dad got worse, his drug addiction took control of his life - to the point where he was selling it himself. Or, more like I was selling it for him.

I was seven years old, standing on street corners in horrible neighborhoods with baggy's of weed and Kilos of Cocaine in my pocket. I was my father's gopher. 

Those nights that I had to be out there were horrible. I had no protection, when I was out of drugs or short on cash - I was beat up. They didn't care that I was only a little kid, all anyone wanted was drugs. 

That's the life I grew up in, something that became me. 

I started stealing money from my dad, a couple dollars here and few dollars there. I wanted to get away, wanted a different life for myself. I needed the money, and I would do anything for it. 

At one point, a big guy from some local gang found me. His boss had been keeping an eye out for me and wanted to recruit me. I was only eleven at this point, I didn't know what to do. He offered me a roof to sleep under, warm food so I was never hungry, and money - enough money to get away. I agreed, thinking it wouldn't be forever. 

My living conditions were better, but the jobs were even worse. I watched people being beat to a pulp, and sometimes murdered infront of my eyes. I was out on the streets more often with even more drugs. I was protected, but the risk and the fear I had was even bigger. I was terrified, I was a criminal. 

When I was twelve, I tried to run away. I had saved up enough money to get away - but the gang didn't take to kindly to that. They beat me to a pulp, I could barely move, my jaw and both my legs were broken. I couldn't speak, I couldn't walk. I was left for dead; not killing me there and then was probably their last gift to me. I was greatful for that, but I didn't know if I was going to survive. I thought I was breathing my last few breaths, I started fading out to the world. 

That's when Diana found me. Luckily, I was dumped right outside her Cafe. She called an ambulance and stayed by my side. 

They tried to get in touch with my father, and when he finally pickedup the phone - he said he wanted nothing to do with me and that I was no longer his problem. 

Instead of being put into the foster care, Diana decided to 'adopt' me. 

It was hard to adapt to an innocent life, I still got into trouble. 

I got into fights, shop-lifted, drank, smoke - I couldn't help it. It was something I was raised into, it was in my DNA. But, Diana never gave up on me. She believed I could be better and I worked hard at it. 

Without her, I don't think I would be who I am - Hell, I don't think I would even be alive. 

I stare at the table, finished with my story. I don't want to look at Roni, knowing that there will be fear in her eyes. She will be scared of me. I hear her chair scrape, she is going to leave. That's the logical thing to do. I bite my lip, trying to stop the tears from coming up, I'm a man. Men don't cry. I will let her walk away - It's better for her anyway. 

My mind shuts off when I feel her thin arms wrap around my shoulders. I lift my head and see that she didn't leave, she is hugging me tightly while tears pour out of her blue eyes, 

"What a terrible life you had to live." She sniffs. "And I am so happy that Diana found you when she did. If you weren't here I would still be stuck where I was - You've made me so happy."

"Y-your not afraid of me?" I choke out. "You don't hate me?" 

"Afraid of you?" She pulls back, eyes wide. " Roxas, that is who you were - not who you are. You are my hero, I'm not scare of you. And HATE you!? I could never, I would never. It's the opposite, I actually-" 

"Am I interrupting something?" Diana walks in with a tray of freshly baked cookies and coffee with a small smile on her face. I have to stop myself from glaring at her.

Actually? She actually what? What was she about to say!? 

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So, as you probably can tell... I have a habit of doing cliff hangers. .. . . I just can't help it. What better way to end a chapter then needing to know what happens next? o: 

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