fri[END]s | BTS

케어

Every day something falls apart. I keep on repeating same things over and over again, because I am unable to succeed from the first try. Despite how hard I work on anything, I still need you guys. At least to feel that you are here with me and didn't leave completely. I want to know that you are all here. Just free. Like you always wished to be. Free and alive.

You freed yourself, and I have to admit with each passing day, even hours, minutes and second, I feel more and more jealous of that freedom. I desire it. But as much as I want that, something way stronger is burning in my mind. You are all alive until my mind is clear. You are alive until my heart is beating. I might be failing at eveything around me, I might can't succeed or function properly, but this is a thing no one will be able to take away from me. I can still remember. And that memory is what makes you all alive. My mind won't be sucked into the dark until I complete the mission.

But how can I complete it? How can I do anything, when every day suddenly becomes a challange for me guys. Without you, I feel empty. But I'm failing, not because I can't raise anymore like a pheonix from ashes. It's because I lost care, all the care that JungKook always had.

How are you doing my friend? Is there anything different? I bet there is, but one thing didn't change for you, did it, huh? It couldn't possibly. Because when you left you took care with you, you took thoughtfulness. You took it with you to freedom and I lost it. But I can't blame you and I'm not. You had a right to take what is yours. JungKook, my dongsaeng, our little maknae, you were too young for this world, but you were even younger for the other. Too small to get out there. I didn't know how to explain it to you. But did I even try?

When five of us found you there, those garage's gates colored with your blood. Oh my little boy if only you knew what will that lead us to. We thought you were the strongest out of all of us. We thought you were the fighter that never gives up without a fight. But that time you lowered your fists. That time you didn't lift you gaze. I didn't know, no one knew, that you were fighting for too long. Inside. You were fighting so long with yourself that the fight losts it's meaning. The power you felt dominating the field didn't mean anything. All you wanted was to rest
All you needed was a little bit of freedom from yourself. You were the second one to leave....

I haven't seen you in the long, long time. It seems like a century has passed for me and a second for you, but I know it's not true. It's just my heart and mind playing cruel tricks to break me, so I would break the promise. But I will never do that. Nothing will change my determination. Nothing, if you guys will help me. If all of you will be here with me.

Please, I need you my friends. I need you more than ever. I miss you all even if my heart breaks to think how easily I could join you, I could see you again. I will see you smile soon. And we will be able to smile together. I promise.
- Jin.