Self-Control [2] (Twilight]

1.

I closed my journal, my mind suddenly overwhelmed of all those thoughts.

"Still thinking about that, huh?" I heard Edward's amused voice behind me.

I glanced at him, an amused twitch of lips, "You used to hate me"

"I used to hate red eyes, not you, Liz" Edward corrected, chuckling before his smile faded, tilting his head, "You still don't remember your human life?"

I looked away, staring straightforward, "No. Carlisle has a theory about it. Either it's because of who changed me because of a gift or I'm not ready to remember" I pressed my journal to my chest, standing, looking to Edward, smiling slightly, "C'mom, lover boy, your girl's birthday is today, I want to give her her gift before Alice wins me over"

Edward narrowed slightly his eyes, seeming to want to say something but decided not to, nodding, walking away.

I put my journal under my pillow. Maybe we didn't sleep but having the comfort of a bed in my room made me feel normal. Even though I wasn't.

I grabbed Bella's gift from my closet and smiled slightly. Since we learned my ability of compulsion didn't work on Bella, it had been a relief to me.

My gift - as some called it - was compulsion. My eyes would turn gray and in consequence my target's eyes turned gray as well by being receptive of it. At first, I just needed eye contact which is why its difficult for me to look at the person I'm talking to, then it grew up to just my words. Every word was laced with my gift. Even the playful shut up was taken literal, that eye contact wasn't necessary. As long as it sounded like a command my gift was activated. I had to be careful of each word I spoke and with time I actually had to stop talking when I snapped.

I almost made Jasper to hunt a girl in the woods because I was mad.

I still remember the words I told him.

Oh come on! Why don't you have fun hunting, try it, that way at least you can try to control the hunger yourself and not the other way around

At the moment, neither of us saw the light in our eyes when I snapped until Jasper's face changed to a dangerous and murderous look, speeding away from us. I was terrified for what just happened. I remember smelling blood, following the scent, finding Jasper on top of a dead girl. Each tree around them was covered on blood, his face covered in blood as his red eyes glaring at us with a snarl.

Edward had to read his mind and then mine to realize what I just did. It was a painful reminder of how dangerous I could be.

"He hunted her down. He played with his pray, he was having..." Edward trailed off, looking down at Jasper, who was leaning against a tree breathing heavily, even if he didn't need to, Alice at his side, soothing him, calming him down "Fun"

"Memories. Some painfully, don't you think?" Edward's voice snapped me from my thoughts.

I blinked a couple of times, looking to Edward, knowing he was saw that memory in my mind "Yes, I forgot about that one"

Edward nodded solemnly, "It was the first time you used your abilities in one of us"

I followed Edward out of the house, climbing the car as we had school to go to.

"It was" I replied softly, eyes locked in the ground as Edward drove, for the first time not over the speed limit.

"I remember you were terrified" Edward commented, fingers lightly tapping the wheel "That was the moment you stopped talking to us the first time, not even communicating with me with you mind"