Silver Secrets

Chapter 26: Mel

Rowan's face becomes a stone mask, his eyes fixed on the silver blade which he now holds at arm's length, the handle between his thumb and forefinger as if it might poison him.

Of course it might poison him. Or me.

"How long?" he asks finally, his eyes drifting up to me. There's no anger there. Only sorrow.

I swallow. "Since we left Moon Bay."

Gently, he sets the blade down on the floor and sits back against his heels, hands splayed on his thighs.

I tiptoe over to him and sink to my knees on the other side of the knife, the blade pointing right at me. "Rowan, you have to understand," I plead, "I got this before I knew you. I didn't know I'd...I was going to throw it away. As soon as I could, I was going to."

"Where did you get it?" When Rowan raises his head, I'm shocked to see tears pooling in his eyes. I reel back as if stung.

"It was Captain Holanan. Right after that meeting with Princess Cassandra, he took me aside and said...he said I might need it. If you turned on me."

Rowan's jaw clenches and his hands flex into fists. "Mel, I never ever even dreamed of hurting you. Ever. I am in full control of myself when I'm—" he makes a gesture with his hand, and I know exactly what he means.

When I'm not human.

"I know, Rowan," I say as gently as I can. "Maybe I was a little afraid of you at first, but after you saved my life when that elemental girl tried to kill me, that was when I decided to get rid of this thing. I just couldn't find the right time and place. I'm so, so sorry."

"Would you have used it?" he asks quietly, eyes fixed on the floor. "If you thought I was going to hurt you?"

"No," I say immediately. "Do you really think I have it in me to stab someone?"

Rowan thinks about this for a moment. The corner of his mouth tugs up in a tiny smile, but he stamps it out quickly. "No, that's one thing I'm certain about you, Mel. You do not have it in you to stab someone. You couldn't even kill that hare."

"And it was in the bottom of my bag," I point out, "sheathed and wrapped up in cloth. I would never use it. I just felt like...if I didn't get rid of it in the right way, it would find its way back to me somehow. Just leaving it somewhere felt like it wouldn't be enough. It sounds stupid, I know. I'm sorry."

He finally meets my gaze. "I believe you," he says simply, and it feels like my whole body sags with relief. "And I guess I don't really blame you, either. If I had decided to turn on you, you wouldn't have stood a chance without that thing. I'm just...I thought Holanan trusted me. I proved he could trust me. I obeyed all his orders, and it still wasn't enough." He shrugs heavily. "He still thought I was going to savage you."

"Is everything all right up here?"

I jump and turn around; Aster is leaning against the door frame. She's not looking at me or Rowan; she only has eyes for the silver between us.

"Everything's fine," Rowan says coolly.

Aster raises an eyebrow. Of course she's heard everything. "I thought you left all your weapons at the door?" she says, nodding at the knife. Her tone is light, but I can tell that something about this knife captured her attention, because her eyes are round and her face has gone as pale as the moon.

"I know. Sorry. It's only small and I'd forgotten that it was even th—"

Aster crosses the little room in two strides, and scoops up the dagger as if it were about as dangerous as a butter knife.