An Unpredictable Life

4. Time Wasting and Memory Jogging

Time Wasting and Memory Jogging

4

The machines were silent, the patients were happily busy or asleep, the tablets had been distributed and there was nothing left but time. It was a waiting game to see who's machine would disturb the peace first. To see which patient would need the nurses assistance just as they had a new cup of tea poured or when it was quiet and they were almost relaxed in the early hours of the morning. Not like I ever saw them like that, because they always found something to occupy their time, and if I wanted to, my time.

I have to say, my nurses were amazing. They were so like me it was a battle to separate us once there was a decent topic of conversation.

There were a few nights, when I was unhooked from my machine as part of my recovery days and it was late at night and I couldn't sleep. The nurse would pop in around ten to give me my tablets and see if I wanted anything to eat, as at that time I wasn't eating much. Like usual I'd decline and she'd try to tempt me with home made chocolate cakes that one of the doctors had brought in that afternoon.

The usual jokes were exchanged:

'You sure you don't want one before they're all gone?' from her. And a cheeky, if less enthusiastic than usual:

'Are you sure you want to eat anything he made?' from me.

All in the name of a long night ahead. Then around four in the morning, maybe a little before, a different nurse would come in to check my observations - my pulse, my BP and make sure I was feeling okay - since, still I wasn't asleep. Another lot of laughable comments were made as she asked me if I wanted something from the take away since they were sending out for something. A lot of laughing ensued, quietly so as not to disturb anyone else and I declined but with thanks. There was a:

'If you change your mind and order in some pizza, tell them I'll have a family sized one with everything on it.' from me, even though by this time I was being fed by a food bag attached to my drip. Then there was an offer of joining in the nights hot topic at the desk and more laughter from me and my chirpy:

'Maybe I should make an air bubble and keep you lot busy.' suggestion which received a scowl and a smile, telling me not to bother since I was enough trouble without it. More laughter and then finally I got to sleep.

Now, you have to agree that with nurses like that, you'd have some pretty cool nights even though you couldn't sleep. With me being a big Buffy and Angel fan, I had a poster of my favourite character Spike behind my door, mainly because it was life sized and that was the only place to put it. But it still caused some laughs.

Especially during the night and a nurse walked into the room to be greeted by this life sized black figure with blonde hair and silver jewellery, the only things anyone could make out in the dark. I certainly enjoying watching everyone who didn't expect it, walk in and jump at the thought of there being a tall and rather gorgeous man in my room, especially since I was only sixteen at the time. It was comical and definitely provided conversation for the next day where I'd warn the day shift nurses about it, in case they changed to nights some time soon.

Then when my doctors would come in for the usual Thursday morning rounds before the clinic appointments started. There were always more than one because I was so difficult I was apparently quite interesting for the students. They would all traipse in and try to find a space around my bed. I remember one time when I had another Spike poster (can you tell he's my favourite?) that had a picture of him just as he normally was. But if you kept looking at it and moved around, it would distort until he looked like a snarling vampire.

I remember my Oncologist saw it as he walked in and only smiled, knowing I'd brought in another lot of posters to change the last lot because I was bored. He didn't mention it until one of the students began staring at it, tilting his head this way and that. When my Oncologist asked why, he told him how it changed and suddenly, there were six doctors standing staring at my poster while I lay in bed, at eight of clock in the morning, giggling to myself at how ridiculous it was.

There were a few nurses in particular that I have to say they were my favourite, who would pop in during the quiet days and fill me in on all that I was missing. You see, in the ward (and remember this is before the Teenage Cancer Trust came along with Teenage Units in Scotland), there were ten rooms, five on each side of the corridor. On one side, you would get Sky 1 and a few Sports channels, whereas on the other side, you would get Channel 5 and Hallmark instead. So when I was on the side of the corridor without Sky 1, the nurses would come in and either leave a tape of Buffy episodes that they'd made for me, with the episodes I'd missed or they'd give me detailed accounts of what happened.

We would sit for ages just talking about our favourite parts and how something was great or unbelievable and our favourite characters. And how a few months later, when I was in the middle of my Stem Cell Transplant, they were going to a Sci-fi Convention and would actually meet the people we were talking about. It was great and it filled up so many hours of my lonely days that sometimes they would fly by. I still have the postcard they sent me from the convention, of Spike with little snippets of the gossip I missed.

So, you see it isn't all that bad. Because although I couldn't socialise with my friends, I was the youngest person in the ward at that time and it let the nurses have someone 'fun' to talk to, or so they said. And with being the youngest, I had more to talk about, as always, so we ended up having some good times and I made friends with a bunch of people I'd never have met otherwise.

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Day by Day

Poem

The music drives me to distraction,

But only by a small fraction.

Little bit of this, little bit of that,

With everyday I'm getting fat.

Through the darkest of my days,

And the darkest of the ways,

Every wish I have taken,

Has gone forever, mistaken.