An Unpredictable Life

9. A Higher Education

A Higher Education

9

There is no doubt that the best thing I learnt, while I was in hospital, before and after my treatment was about me. It might sound selfish, but I know that I would never have had a better opportunity to know myself and get to know everything in my head and how best to be me.

It wasn't until later that I realised I hadn't been being myself, for whatever reason it was. It was like my entire life revolved around making other people happy…and I'll admit I still have a bit of that in me. I just really have this urge to make people happy. It's like a desperate need I have and I can't help it and I can't stop it. But now I know it's there I can at least try to control it to some extent.

I learnt about my treatment, how it affected me internally and externally, about chemo and it's effects, how to administer it, how to take blood, how to look for veins. I learnt who my friends were and who meant the most to me, I learnt all about my life and how I saw it, how other people saw me and I learned to trust my instincts and my beliefs. I got a second chance at everything - at life, my friendships with people, at school. I got to do fifth year twice and I got to meet people I would never have met otherwise. I have friends I would never have had without this experience. I was able to go to school and pace myself. I was given a rare opportunity to see life from the other side, to see the mistakes I was making and correct them before it got too late. I got to restart my life from where I wanted, with what I want and who I wanted to share it with.

Everything that I've managed to draw out of this experience has completely changed my outlook on life, on love and my friendships with people. I appreciate everyone in my life and I want them all to know how much they mean to me. I want them to know that everything they did has meant so much more to me than I can ever explain.

Without them, I would have nothing…I would have had nothing to fight for, nothing to hold onto and cheer me up, no-one on the other end of the phone whenever I needed it - whenever I still need it. They are my lifeline and they always will be.

Now, it's April 2014 and there is so much to tell you that I can't even figure out where to start. I wrote the main parts of this book way back when I was seventeen, sitting at my desktop computer, listening to Tupac Shakur. It would have been 2003, eleven years ago, that I wrote this.

What's changed?

Not much, to be honest. But a lot has happened, so let me be brief. I have a mountain of side effects from my chemo. Things that were and were not expected. First off, they have since changed the research program I was on, because of me and everything that I experienced. Because my memory and concentration has been permanently affected, they discovered that adding a certain drug to the regime I was on, prevented that. So now, the same regime I was on in 2003 has been revamped with this added drug, that tries to stop teenagers from suffering the continual mental frustration that I have to live with.

And I'm happy about that. That was the entire reason I agreed to be a guinea pig. I'm not even angry that they didn't think about it sooner, because no-one ever had it permanently – as far as I know – until me.

I'm also a walking, talking dictionary of allergies and deficiencies. To keep this simple, I'll make a list. These are what I'm deficient in: B12, Vitamin D, Vitamins B 1 and 2, and Folic Acid. I'm also on two anti-histamines a day, because I have such severe allergies to regular things, like any animal with fur on it. Which is fine, because I now have a pet Poodle, Bracken, who I'm not allergic to. I get my anti-histamines and my folic acid and Vitamin's D and B Compound (a combination of B1 and 2) in tablet form. My B12 is an injection that I get every three months.