Powering Through: A Sequel to Learning To Swim For Real

Chapter 24: After The Fall

Jack basically had no memory of the drive home. In retrospect, he was probably lucky he'd made this drive so many times. He basically went on autopilot, cranking up the music and the heat. He realized at one point that his cheeks were wet with tears, which shocked him. Jack was not given to crying as a rule. When he was little, he'd been a cryer; he remembered many swim practices where he was glad that his face was already wet, having to wipe his goggles over and over, so no one would know. His brothers had teased him mercilessly, and he'd broken himself of this habit eventually, learning to hold them in, swallowing them, choking on them if necessary.

Now, though, he felt like bands were constricting his chest, making it hard for him to breathe. He was starting to get a tension headache from crying for so long, and he knew that his family would know that he'd been in tears pretty much the whole way home if he didn't stop soon. Like when he was a child, he wiped his eyes, and forced himself to stop, drawing huge, shuddering breaths, chest heaving. He rolled down the windows in the cab of the truck, letting the cold, foggy valley air swirl in and hit him, and shock his body into wakefulness, alertness.

Kelsey didn't love him anymore.

No, this wasn't true.

Kelsey didn't want to love him anymore.

She felt that loving him wasn't going to be a good thing for her, wasn't going to make her happy in the long run, because he, Jack wasn't worthy of her love. Because he couldn't understand that being around Marian was bad, it was a bad thing. He'd been stupid and selfish, and unwilling to compromise at all, when he should have, apparently.

He hit the steering wheel, inadvertently blowing the horn. Luckily he was on the east side of the Altamont Pass, and there was almost no traffic, so no one heard him.

So what was he supposed to do now?

He was single. Kelsey had broken up with him.

Funny, he didn't feel like it. He still felt bound to her, by invisible threads that joined his heart to hers.

He still loved her. Was that going to go away or something? How did this work? Was he really supposed to go off and be with Marian now? How could he even contemplate such a thing?

He took a deep breath and began to sing along to Boston, then the Rolling Stones, concentrating on the lyrics and not how much fun he'd had singing along to these songs with Kelsey the last time they'd listened to this playlist together.

He pulled into the driveway around one thirty in the morning, and when he went in the house, he saw that Marian had waited up for him. He wanted nothing more than to just crawl into bed, and wished she hadn't, but he sat down with her in the family room because it was only polite to do so.

"I can see from your face that things didn't go well," she said, settling back on the sofa. Spidey, too, rose to greet him, tail thumping.

He just shook his head, staring into the fire.

"Do you want to talk about it?" she asked, leaning forward to look at his face.

"Not really," he replied, sighing.

"Here," Marian said, pouring him a glass of wine.

"You know I don't drink," Jack protested.

"Tonight's an exception," she insisted, handing him the glass. "For medicinal purposes. Honestly, Jack, if ever anyone needed a drink, it's you. The look on your face, my god."

Jack sighed again and raised the glass in a half-hearted toast before taking a swallow. The taste reminded him of Kelsey, which was nice, and he took another swallow, feeling it warm his insides as it slid down his throat.