"What was that?" He came closer and closer as I step back with each step he took.
"What was what!? I can hang out with whomever I want, it's none of your business." I snapped when I felt a wall behind me. Of course the damn wall had to be there.
"I...
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I can't sleep.
I'm used to sleep on my bed, now with this brand new one under me I can't even close my eyes.
I went up, turned the light on and sat in front of my painting board.
I started painting when I was 8 years old to let out my feelings. I wasn't into training then and I didn't want to write a journal either because I was afraid of someone accidentally read it.
Painting is my only saviour from my feelings along side praying to my creator. But as I started to grow up I got interested in working out and began to box, play ball sports, running and many different kind of activities. So working out became another solution to my problems.
I looked around my room only to find paintings covering the walls. Painting that were born out of my emotions, with each painting there's a quote at the bottom. Confusion, anger, happiness, lost, embaressment and so on. My painting contains voices in my heart that were shouting, whispering or singing.
That's why I don't want anyone to enter my room without permission, especially Amir.
My room reflects my heart. If anyone see these painting I would feel naked around them.
I never drew anything other than the natur and objects.
And I have first published my paintings two years ago in secret with a different name of course. Actually only a letter, L. No one knows except my brother Khaled. I'm not ready to reveal my passion yet. So I told Khaled because we don't keep secrets from each other. And he supported me since then.
I'm proud to say my paintings are hanging in the most popular galleries across New York and I was even nominated as the best painter New York has to offer. They wanted me to attend the awards but understood when I said I wanted to be anonymous.
I saved the money I got from it, for my future. I don't want to depend on my parents in my entire life.
I picked up the brush and started to paint. With each paint streak I felt my body relaxing and breath becoming even. But I still didn't feel sleeping as I anticipated.
I sighed and left my paint half finished. I went to my closet and changed out of my pyjamas to my training set which consisted of a sweat pants and long sleeved shirt. I didn't bother putting on my hijab thinking that Amir was sleeping or out. Since we're married now it's for him to see my hair. I don't think I can wear my hijab 24/7 in my own house.
I tied my long black hair in a messy bun before I walked out of my room.
It was 12pm and I desperately needed sleep but my mind was wide awake. I went downstairs and wondered if Amir came back home as I passed by his room.
