Catching Rainbows

31

I cried in the car on the short ride to her house, knowing my makeup was turning my face into a clown's mask but unable to stop the torrent of tears. She patted my back because I was leaning over, my stomach clenched with the unfairness of everything.

I let her lead me to her pretty little room and she took off my shoes and jeans and put me under the covers, then got the face wipes and gently wiped off my makeup and tears. Her hand was steady under my chin, and when she was done she stripped off her own pants and crawled in with me, cuddling me to her as my breath hitched.

"Shh," she said, stroking my hair as I listened to the comforting beat of her heart under my ear. "It'll be okay." How blissful to be taken care of, to be held and told such words by someone you trust, even if they were hard to believe.

I fell asleep like that, and when I woke it was midnight. She was laying close to me, watching TV with the volume on low in the dark room. Her insomnia was unpredictable, allowing her to sleep fine some nights and be wide awake on others. "Hi," I said, embarrassed a little about my crying fit.

She turned her head to look at me and her face softened with a smile. "Hey, is this too loud?"

I was groggy, half-awake, and shook my head no. I could sleep through a marching band if I was tired enough.

"You need anything?" she asked softly, brushing my hair back off my forehead with her fingertips, sending zings down my spine.

I shook my head again, wanting to stay up with her but unable. I happily settled for second best; just being with her. She raised her arm and I nestled against her as she tightened it on my shoulders, kissing the top of my head. I allowed my eyes to close.

In the morning I slept until the sun was bright in the sky, a rare occurrence indeed. I reached for my phone in a kind of panic, expecting a dozen missed calls and texts needing me home. But there were none, and what a welcome sight that was.

I used the bathroom and washed my face, brushing my teeth and combing through my hair enough to be presentable. I would have put on my makeup but I just wanted to see her, and it wasn't like she cared. She'd seen me enough without it and was somehow still around.

I found her in the kitchen making french toast and turkey sausage. There were plates of cut-up fruit and bowls of granola, as well as a pitcher of orange juice. "Is this fresh-squeezed?" I asked teasingly, coming up behind her and sliding my arms around her waist. She smelled like flowers and breakfast and love and I marveled that I was able to do that seemingly simple action.

Of course we only had less than a week left to deal with Asshole Face, a thing I didn't want to think about because it meant the next move was mine, and I had to make it soon.

She grinned at me over her shoulder, and I kissed her cheek before she turned her attention back to the pan. "Good morning, did you sleep well?"

I just stood there wrapped around her, content to stand that way forever basically. "Yes, I can't believe my phone isn't blowing up. Did you sleep at all?"

A shoulder lifted as she flipped the bread with a pink plastic spatula. "A few hours. But I kind of hate to sleep when you're here because I don't want to miss being with you."

This girl. I squeezed her tighter for a moment. "I know the feeling," I said emphatically. I moved her hair aside and kissed her neck, because I could.

I stayed another two hours but then made myself go home, afraid it would be total chaos, cringing as I got out of my car. But there was no screaming, the house was cleaner than usual, and there was even a customer's car at the book store.

Hailie looked up at me from her stroller in front of the TV when I walked in, where she was eating a bowl of white rice. "Hi Lulu," she said casually. "Mommy is acting kind of weird but nice and not hiding in her room. Which I don't know why she hides in her room all the time except if it's to drink wine, which is alcohol, which is just bacteria mostly, and I don't know why anyone would want to drink bacteria. Unless it's probiotics which are in yogurt and promote good gut bacteria. Which I'm pretty sure wine doesn't have that kind, do you know?"

"Um," I said, a little bombarded. "I'm not sure."

She frowned. "We can just Google it later. Cousin Jared was here alllll morning and he cleaned and helped in the book store while Mommy made food and I didn't eat ANY gluten or anything I wasn't supposed to and Nathaniel helped me make a maze for the mouses but only one could go through it all the way and the others just peed in it and chewed on it and went to sleep," she chided. "And that really pisses me off, I know I'm not supposed to say that but it does, Lulu, it really does just piss me off. Oh, Mommy said go to the bookstore please when you get home. She said please, not me. Sometimes I don't feel like saying please and right now is one of those times."

This child needed an off switch, lord have mercy. "Okay, thanks, Hailie." I put my stuff down and braced myself before going into the book store.

The customer was just leaving, the bell jingling above the door. My phone buzzed and I looked at it; a picture of Chloe making a heart with her hands. Fortified, I approached the counter.

My aunt put aside the papers she had out and began to grovel. "Oh Luna, hi, look, I'm so sorry for . . . for everything. You're right, of course, I have . . . I have a problem." She looked down at the desk. "With alcohol. I'm an alcoholic," she whispered.

This wasn't exactly news to me but I tried to be tactful. "You can get help," I said as nicely as I could.

She nodded. "I'm going to start attending AA meetings, and I'll ask for an Antibuse prescription." That was a medicine that made one very ill if they touched alcohol, even in the form of hand sanitizer or mouthwash.

"I think that would be a good idea," I agreed cautiously.

"And Jared will help out more, but not so you two have to cross paths, if I can help it, okay? He's always offering and I tell him no because . . . well, because of what he did, but we really do need his help," she said, almost apologetically.

"Fine," I said, not loving it but seeing it for what it was; a peace offering and a solution of sorts. Part of a solution.

She visibly relaxed and came around the counter to hug me. "I really am sorry, Luna. I put so much on you and it's wrong, you're not the mother; you're right. I'm going to do better, I promise." She squeezed me tighter. "You deserve to see your friends and go out and be happy. I love you so much, and things are going to be better."

I wanted to believe her, but I knew only time would tell.