•Good Omens Oneshots #2•

"Evil" Plans

~Multiple times in the show we see Crowley getting stuck in his own "evil" crap. The M25 and the network delay. So these are a few more things I cooked up of his fails so enjoy! ;)~

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(*Story 1*)

"So you've heard of Spotify?" I asked the angel as we sat in my Bentley.

"Erm, isn't it music...?" said Aziraphale hesitantly.

"Yes! And they've got every Queen song on there and any music you'd like," I exclaimed with more thrill than I should ever hold over an app.

"Right, so how do you turn on this... 'Spotify' app on?" Asked the angel.

I handed him my phone, "Find the app with the green and black and the words; Spotify on the bottom of it.

"Oh, alright," said Aziraphale as I eyed him.

He was squinting down onto the screen as I stifled a snicker.

"Oh bugger! I'm not quite good with these just yet," Complained he.

"Just keep searching angel, it's right under your nose, quite literally," I urged.

A huff came from the angel's way as a few minutes passed of him searching through the apps in my phone and me driving lazily through the streets.

"Ah ha!" Exclaimed Aziraphale, "Spotify... found it."

"Great, about time, now click on the search and type in Queen," I ordered.

I looked over at the angel to see his tongue sticking out from the corner of his lip in concentration as he did so.

"Right, Queen, found it," He announced.

"Perfect!" I said.

The speakers began to play, but instead of the lovely Queen tune, a different voice played...

"To get Spotify premium, click on the link and pay our special holiday price!" Blabbered a voice.

"Arg!" I growled from under my breath as I slammed a fist into the wheel.

"What is it...?" Asked the angel.

"Adds..." I started. "I made adds not too long ago, it was one of my evil deeds and it worked quite well. I swear I wasn't even thinking about me getting them," I rattled on at my own flunk.

Of course... I'd create something and then pay the price for it, I thought.

A sudden snicker filled the car as I furrowed my eyebrows and glanced to look at Aziraphale laughing at me.

"You're a rubbish demon!" He exclaimed.

-

(*Story 2*)

"I thought I warned you QUITE explicitly as to what will happen if I see a leaf SPOT," I growled as I held a potted plant in my hand.

I glared at it and then proceeded to hold it up as I turned in a slow circle.

"Looks like I'll have to remind you guys, once again as to what will happen to you if you get spots!" I fumed as I gave a death glare to my room of plants.

They had begun to tremble in terror as I have them one last sinister look and walked into a separate room. I set the shivering plant down roughly onto a shelf and turned to some speakers. I turned the volume up high and clicked the ON button as the sound of a saw and mechanic screech blasted. I waited for a few seconds before turning off the sound and turned back to the bad plant which was still very much alive.

I kneeled to it and closed in on it, "You rebelled. You are now fallen. Congratulations." I whispered as I stood back up.

I then took a separate empty pot, a similar one that the plant was in as I walked out of the room and entered the plant room and showed the empty pot to the shivering plants.

"This is a reminder of what will happen to the next bad plant," I spat as I stormed out of the room and entered the bad plant room once again.

I approached a small chest in which was miniature sunglasses and leather jackets. I took both jacket and glasses as I went back to the bad plant. I set the small leather jacket over its leaves and rested the sunglasses on the supporting leaf stems. I then grabbed a marker and made a label for the new bad plant.

"Fallen plant," I scrawled out as I stuck it onto the pot.

Once I had finished up, I took the plant into my hands and added it to the other leaf spot plants that have been collecting for a while now. I had a row of plants with mini leather jackets, sunglasses, and leaf spots.

I turned to the new bad plant and leaned in, "Don't tell the others, you are part of the fallen plants now," I said as I set a finger onto my lips.

-

(*Story 3*)

"I've never seen those before," said Aziraphale as he pointed to what was being held in a small boys hand.

"Those are lollipops and I invented them. They are incredibly evil and will post great suffering for all who eat them," I said attempting to keep a sinister tone.

"He's smiling Crowley," Said Aziraphale as he pointed to the boy who was indeed enjoying the lollipop.

"He will be in endless misery angel, ever heard of cavities?" I posted.

"Yes, tooth infections..." Said Aziraphale wearily. "So one of your lollipops will cause a cavity...?"

"Quite so, the sweetness of the candy will entice them to eat it and will then give them cavities. It's full proof of crime!" I exclaimed.

Aziraphale snapped his fingers and in his clutch appeared a lollipop.

"Angel...?" I asked as my malicious grin gave way to confusion.

"I'm curious, you did say it was sweet, and I am quite the one for sweet things," Said Aziraphale.

I inhaled a deep breath as the angel popped the candy into his mouth. He then smiled, "It is quite scrumptious indeed."

"It'll all end in long term suffering..." I warned as my voice faltered and my cockiness over my supposed deed began to wither.

"Give me some more bad things that your little sweet will cause," mocked Aziraphale as he held the lollipop in his fingers.

"I- it will cause... erm, long term relationship problems between the children and their parents," I urged.

"Right..." Said Aziraphale through a smirk.

He snapped his fingers and a small basket with lollipops piled inside appeared upon his lap. He gestured for some children warmly and offered the candies.

I pouted as I attempted to object.

The children thanked the angel as they happily grabbed the sweets and relished the candy happily as I slouched and folded my arms. Aziraphale handed me the now empty basket as he offered me a lollipop with a teasing smile.

I bit my lip and quickly snatched the candy and sat with the angel on the park bench, the both of us eating my very, deathly, malicious treat.

-

~These were pretty great to write and I hope you liked what I did. ;)~