Reject (mxm)

Chapter Fifteen: Ruari

I woke up alone. I don't know why I feel disappointed but I am, very much so. It's weird because I'm used to waking up by myself. But today the silence was deafening and I can barely stand it. Despite the fact I still stayed motionless on the half-empty bed, inside the equally empty room.

I sightlessly stared at the ceiling wondering if I imagined it all. But the note Ciaran left me is still balled and crumpled in my fist.

I don't understand. Why in Lucifer's damned name am I feeling upset?

I sat up and looked around me. Everything in this damned room reminds me of him. It's like every corner and surface is stamped by Ciaran's overwhelming personality. And now that he's not here I feel out of place. I feel like I've intruded somewhere I'm not supposed to be, a place where I don't belong.

I stood up and walked through the adjoining door, closing it firmly behind me. I tossed the paper on the trash bin by the desk on my way to the bathroom.

I have a sinking feeling today is not going to be a good day.

Ciaran's note contained a short apology for his absence, informing me that he'd be out the whole day due to pack business. It looked reasonable enough but after yesterday and last night I was hoping he'd be more... Well, fuck! I don't know what I was hoping for but I wished he could have at least woken me up before he left so he could tell me himself where he was going instead of leaving me the bloody note!

I breathed in deeply, trying to calm my frayed nerves. There's no use getting upset with someone who isn't even there. It's pathetic and basically useless.

After showering I went to the kitchen to prepare breakfast. Again, rattling alone in the empty space seemed pointless. Images of Ciaran's dimpled face and laughing eyes keep flashing in my mind and I hate it. I'm used to not having him around. I spent one freaking day with him, that all. I don't know what changed but whatever it is, I don't like it!

Calm down. Rothe cooed, feeling happy at my current chaotic state. He'll be back soon.

He can go to the devil for all I care! I snapped blocking him off before he could read too much of my feelings.

I stomped towards the double doors and hurried down the stairs.

It's not like I miss him or anything. Absolutely not! I just don't want to eat alone, not this morning. Besides, if I'm to stay with the pack a bit longer isn't it right for me to go and mingle with the others? It's not like if I spend time with them I'd decide to stay for good or anything. It's just for today. No, just this morning. Yeah, that's right just for...

Shit! Why am I being so defensive? I sound like a raving lunatic even to myself. It's just breakfast. I can get it wherever I want for fuck's sake!

I entered the pack kitchen and the conversation suddenly died out. A spoon dropped on the tiled floor but no one moved to pick it up. I get a nagging feeling this wasn't such a good idea after all.

"Good morning." I greeted awkwardly before heading towards the counter to pour myself a cup of coffee. It's better to pretend and do something than stand in the open and be ogled like a moron.

A girl, who's name I should remember to learn later, came forward before I could reach the pot and fetched the coffee for me instead.

"Here's your coffee alpha, careful it's hot." She smiled and bowed before handing me the steaming cup.

She turned on her heels to get a tray filled with biscuits, muffin and scones then walked back to give me a plate and offered me her tray of baked goodies.