My Therian Journal

boo - 11/16/2019

Hey y'all! Didya miss me?

I missed this omg. But I'm back :))

Life has been hectic, but not in all terrible ways. I've been very caught up in all my human responsibilities, like school and finding work. My grades are the best they've been since middle school right now and I'm3 months on testosterone (ftm), my legal name change is going through and I'm even omw to getting top surgery, but my mental health crashed a bit.

I've been trying to find a healthy balance between keeping up in my life as Scott; ei. School, work, all the fecking legal procedures I'm stepping thru rn. And my spiritual life, where I stay connected to my philosophy, religion, therianthropy and ultimately, everything that ensures I'm happy.

Lose sight of one, my life falls apart. Lose sight of the other, my mental health falls apart. Difficult balance lmao. But I'm getting there! And coming back to journaling hopefully will help with that 💞 Losing connection to all aspect of my spirituality has been horrible, but I'll give u the rundown on how I've been feeling as a therian the last few months.

I likely mentioned what my phantom and mental shifts were like in past entries? They were sort of integral to who i am. Near constant only varying in intensity. Some days so real I could feel my tail brush against people in the hallways at school, and id get canines, muzzle, mane and even leg shifts, other days just a faint pressure on my tailbone and on either side of my head, but they were always there. My mental shifts were the same, constant but usually dull, just making me less anxious and less prone to overthing silly human stuff. Theyd get stronger if i was completely comfortable or alone. I got so used to it I never rlly imagined what it would feel without it y'know?

Well, my mental health hasnt been this bad in years, and the more absorbed i became by stress and depression, the more I lost my shifts. I dont know if they did or didnt completely leave, but as far as im concerned, i didn't feel any of it for nearly 2 months. I was still connected, but I've never known Therianthropy without shifts, so completely losing them felt so... empty. There were nights where all i did was wish i could feel my ears just long enough to remember what they felt like. Months going by never shifting uncomfortably when I sat down?? Who is he???

Journalling helped keep me connected with my therian side. To reflect on it every night and make note of it. To be grateful for how strong my connection was and be able to share that with other ppl who could use someone to relate to. I'm really happy im back. I may be slow getting started, and updates might not be consistent while i try to figure this whole balancing act out. But as far as I'm concerned. I have no plans of quitting again anytime soon.

There is more to update y'all on. And i promise it's more therian related! But its 1am and I'll likely be jumped on by small children by 5 bcus i promised them we'd bake cookies tmmr... oops
Goodnight 💞