THE RELIC GUILD (and other stories) Updated regularly.

IDEAL VILLAGE (part 7 of 10)

-PHASE VII-

To know a suspect too well is to complicate the art of deduction...

There were ten villagers who were left-handed, and Lanky's first interviewee was Dr Keen. The village Medical Chief, despite the gravity of the situation, spoke and acted like a man free of guilt, and one confident of swift elimination from these investigations. Which indeed he was; after all, Dr Keen was the only villager skilled in all schools of medicine, including forensic pathology. Given this, Lanky reasoned that it made little sense for Dr Keen to reveal the left-sided bias of the axe-murderer if, in fact, that axe-murderer was him.

    Robert Pringle was cleared equally quickly, his alibi being cast iron (he'd spent curfew with the Robinsons, a family of eight, and keen gardeners all). However, the interview was complicated by the fact that, quite coincidentally, and most unfortunately, Robert Pringle had originally been drawn to Ideal Village to appease a phobia that he would one day be blamed for a crime he had not committed. Lanky tried his hardest to assure Robert to rest easy as he was no longer suspected, but Robert was not to be comforted, wailing, "Guilt by association doesn't go away, Lanky. Guilt by association sticks! The mark of the axe-murderer will forever be upon me in the eyes of the villagers!" 

    Robert Pringle was taken from the interview room, sobbing.

    Next came Alice and Jessica Simpson (spinster twin sisters, both left-handed, and the village's longest established residents). The Simpson twins had come to Ideal Village, very many years ago, to live a life where they did something different together every day. They were very happy to help with police enquiries, even to be suspects, as it was a new experience for them. And they told Lanky as much. The trouble here for Lanky was that the Simpson twins lived together, and were therefore each other's alibi for the previous night's curfew. Given that, and the fact that one sister never did anything without the other, Lanky was forced to point out that neither Alice nor Jessica could prove that they did not commit the murders as a team.

    On hearing this, Miss and Miss Simpson roared with laughter, with Alice starting, "We can barely lift a teapot between us," and Jessica finishing, "Let alone an axe, you big dope!"

    The next two suspects were dealt with quickly. First was Mrs Claremont (an avid diarist) who provided Lanky with some impressive proof of innocence: a journal, updated every fifteen minutes throughout the previous night (which included a game of Trivial Pursuit played with her husband and daughter, and the records of every question asked and answer given). Second was Max Framley (an expert carpenter), who had spent curfew at the house of Gill Croup (a master engraver). Max was quite happy to admit that he had spent most of the night unobserved, as Gill had fallen asleep in his armchair around eight o'clock, and he was quick to add, "but I can tell you that Gill snores like a bloody radial arm saw!"     

    Small and gentle Willy Wyrd was already a big bundle of nerves when he entered the interview room; and, under no pressure from Lanky, broke down and confessed that he had spent the entirety of curfew alone. (Willy was a studier of nocturnal wildlife, and had been unwilling to spend a night away from the observation nest in the tree in his back garden.) "I thought it didn't matter," he said, "Everybody knows I'm no axe-murderer." Willy's hands shook as Lanky said that this deliberate and total disregard for the Plan raised a very serious eyebrow over his innocence.

    Lady Kimble-Blanc was far less remorseful, however, when Lanky told her that, though he was pleased her life was so luxurious she could employ Mr Rochester as her full-time butler, having her butler as her only alibi did not prove her innocence. (Everybody knew that Mr Rochester was utterly devoted to his employer, and there was nothing he would not do or say if she asked.) Lady Kimble-Blanc snorted at Lanky, and said, rather haughtily, "My Dear Chief Constable, if I really wanted villagers murdered by axe, I would simply have my butler do it. And, as you no doubt know, Mr Rochester is right-handed."

    And with Lady Kimble-Blanc's departure from the interview room, Lanky concluded his questioning. All suspects were detained. Police constables were sent to check alibis. Every statement was discussed and debated. Finally, Lanky had reports sent to the three members of the Parish Council, and Mr Cavendish made his way to the Parish Hall.

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