The Royal Romances

The Bastard

March 1413

When I had walked down the halls before nobody had even noticed me. I was simply one of many in the crowd and sometimes not even that. More than once I felt merely a part of the castle's dead furnishing. Nowadays, I constantly hear whispers behind my back or Ladies fall silent as soon as I approach.

It is strange because their gossip and stares do not touch me the way I thought they would have. Instead I feel strangely liberated. I am the one spending nearly every mesmerising, earth shattering, night with the King of England and they can do absolutely nothing about it. As often as I can, I repent my sins and pray that God will forgive my indiscretion. After all this is not with any man but with his own servant on earth. Secretly I could not help but think that God would not be so cruel as to deny me the one thing in my life which brings me joy.

Charles keeps sending for me and it feels like his desire can never be quenched. At the same time I of course realise that I am expendable. For now I am in the King's favour and both me and my husband are rewarded in more than one way. But like the King's unpredictable anger, I know that whatever draws him back to me will sooner or later fade. That is why I enjoy every single night with him like it will be our last. Perhaps that is why he lets me share his bed so often. The only strange thing now was seeing Charles in public. Noticing all the differences, and the similarities, in his demeanour in private was intriguing to me. To know that now, he actually did notice me as well is a powerful feeling. 

My husband had become more agitated by the fact that the King kept me in his bed and on the few occasions he visited my chamber, he reminded me of whom I belonged to by branding me in new places. During our years of marriage he had always been rough after his ale but now that did not matter. He could come back from a council meeting and give me one look before he felt compelled to harm me.

When the King rediscovers my body each night he notices the marks but never says a word. Instead he will kiss my wound or bruise and all that pain would disappear like magic. Afterwards, when we have pleased each other in every way possible, the King curiously asks me questions. Why I did not know but I told him tales of my childhood, my family and my home in Leicester. But mostly we speak of literature and poems of which we are both admirers. Even though he enjoys our lively discussions, he finds it amusing that my father decided to give me an education. I think of my mother who had not been as lucky.

"Without an education, a woman is simply a beautiful face, a stunning gown", I begin while the King listens intently. "But science does not care if you are the prettiest or the ugliest girl in the world, if you are the poorest or the richest. An education is very much like our faith. If you can manage to hold on to it, there is nobody who may take it away."

After one of our more exhausting nights, I have nearly fallen asleep in his arms when I hear screams outside the door that I recognise all too well. In haste I reach for my gown but Charles is already out of bed on his way to the door. All I can hear are muffled screams from the corridor and I do not have the courage to get up.

"Please Lord make him leave, please God", I plead over and over as I keep my eyes closed.

"It's alright my love."

Slowly, I open my eyes and see that Charles is standing by my side of the bed, looking down at me with a fierce face I have not seen before. Yet his voice is as soft as ever and when he sits down next to me, I cannot help myself as I quickly throw myself into his comforting embrace. His strong body holds me and simply having him close calms me.

"He will not harm you again. I swear it."

I do trust his word but I also know that when we eventually leave court, there will be no man to save me from the one I am tied to for life. After mumbling calming nonsense to me for a few minutes, Charles bends down, kisses my shoulder and suddenly, the thought of a life beyond court is impossible to imagine.