Doubt - Part 26

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It was 12am, the night before Christmas Eve and exactly one day before you had to pick up Mark and his girlfriend from the airport. You felt inexplicably nervous. The weeks had flown by since you had last spoken to Mark and you were greatly anticipating his return. You felt a little lovesick at the thought of being able to see his face in real life again. As you drifted further into your imagination you wondered if he was still the same Mark who had left you all those months ago. Whether his laugh would be as squeaky as you remembered it to be, whether his firm biceps would pull you into a warm embrace, and what words he would use to bridge the gap distance had created between the two of you.

Snapping back into reality, you noticed that Jaehyun was sitting across from you at the dining table. He had just finished having a shower and his hair was still wet, it dripped melancholically down his neck and broad shoulders as he flicked through a fashion magazine with an unhurried finger. You watched him and contemplated your feelings for Mark, suddenly feeling guilty since you were thinking about another man while your boyfriend sat right in front of you. You couldn't deny your romantic feelings for Mark.

Once the reality of the situation dawned on you, that now Mark and yourself were both in serious committed relationships, you shifted in your seat. Feeling yourselfing growing hot and tense due to the conflicting emotions.

Abruptly, you got up from the wooden chair, making it squeak and groan against the linoleum flooring and began slowly pacing to the kitchen. As you reach out your hand to get a glass from the cabinet you looked on horrified, as you saw yourself violently shaking.

It's okay just breathe in.

You said to yourself, but the air caught in your throat and butterflies began to swarm in your stomach.

"Hey Peach are you okay?" Jaehyun called from behind you.

You took a sip of water before turning to face him.

He was leaning against the wooden arch that separated the kitchen from the dining room. Jaehyun wore loose fitting grey sweatpants that sat low on his hips, revealing his snail trail of hair and his posture made it so his abdomen flexed, showing off his athletic physique. His bare midriff was a tantalising sight, but right now he wasn't turning you on. Even his charismatic dimples, and handsome face full of worry and concern couldn't make you relax. You felt overwhelmed by emotions, as if you were going to break down and cry. Jaehyun walked towards you, his gaze fixed and steady on your frame.

When did you become so comfortable with your tutor? Now he was walking around your apartment half-naked!

Jaehyun caught the uncertainty in your eyes, he leaned down and tucked a stray strand of hair behind your ear. His touch made you shiver. He took your face into his large hands, gently tilting your chin up to meet his plump lips, red like the inside of a freshly cut fig. Although Jaehyun's kiss felt like heaven it wasn't what you needed right now.

No one could read you like Mark could. He just understood you. Jaehyun on the other hand thought he could solve anything with just a simple touch or caress. He looked like a marble statue, knew your body like the back of his hand, could make you feel things and touch you in places you never knew about, bringing delight to your senses. But as you lay in bed with him, you wondered if Jaehyun was who you really needed. You knew you wanted him, you had deeply admired him since the first day you met him, but something had changed inside of you. Now that your goal had been reached there was nothing more to accomplish.

"Are you bored yet?" you spoke without thinking, your words flowing freely like a river.

Jaehyun gave you a puzzled look, his eyebrows furrowed, "What do you mean?" he lightly chuckled and drew you into him by interlocking your fingers with his. He rocked you as you peered up at his visage.

"Of us? This relationship? Are you tired of me?" you said earnestly.

"How could I ever be tired of you?" Jaehyun sighed, he canted his head to the side in thought and tried to make you grin with a cute pout, "I asked you to be my girlfriend for a reason. You know that right? Why would I suddenly back out?"

You thought for a moment. Dumbstruck by his question. Maybe all this talk was you trying to fulfill a hidden desire that you yourself couldn't comprehend?

"Do you love me?" you whispered.

Jaehyun leaned down so his eyes were level with yours. His smile was warm and comforting, like holding a cup of hot chocolate on a cold winter's night. His dark eyes were full of generosity and love for only you.

"I love you." he whispered back, "Now stop all this silly talk and let's get to bed. We've got a big day tomorrow! We have to pick up Mark and his new girlfriend from the airport at 12am!"

"Okay, you go to bed first, I've got to brush my teeth." you said as you broke apart.

Why did you feel so alone? The day you had been praying for was just around the corner, but you felt a sense of ambivalence.

For a while you stood in the eerily silent bathroom looking at your worn out face in the mirror underneath the harsh fluorescent light and wondered when these feelings had settled inside of you. Now they were so deep seated, you questioned if they could be removed without you having to destroy yourself first. After you had finally brushed your teeth and made your way to the bedroom Jaehyun was already fast asleep.

His face looked so innocent as he soundly slept. You quietly got into bed and covered yourself with the duvet, sighing as your body relaxed for the first time that day. You hadn't realised how on edge you had been. But sleep didn't come easily that night. You lay awake for a long time, staring up at the ceiling, waiting for the sun to come up.

When you fell asleep you dreamt of Mark. He was holding you in his arms, you were swaying like a willow in the breeze. You clung onto his neck as he guided you into a dark and unfamiliar room that looked like it had bars inside of it. Before any more of your dream could be revealed you were rudely awakened by the chirpy sound of your alarm.

You sat up in a cold sweat. Why had the dream felt so real?

Jaehyun stirred beside you in the bed. He stretched and yawned before opening his eyes. Like a baby he rubbed his sleep filled eyes with his knuckles before peering over to you.

"Good morning beautiful." he said in his usual gruff morning tone, eyes still half shut, "Come cuddle with me." he insisted and threw his arms around your waist, pulling you further down onto the bed until you were sinking beneath the duvet.

Jaehyun slid his hand underneath your loose fitting shirt and stroked you, trailing a line with his finger down your back. It felt like sparks and fire running along your spine, until he finally stopped at the waist-band of your pajama pants.

"How are we feeling this morning?" Jaehyun mumbled in a raspy tone as he slid his hands into your pants.

Expertly, he followed the curves of your body like a map and found his way between your thighs until he hit the spot. He stroked you gently, making you gasp in surprise and sharply inhale, "Jaehyun." you replied, your voice already quivering.

You arched your back in pleasure as he continued playing with your heat. Jaehyun's face was behind your head so you couldn't see him, but you could imagine that was already wearing a grin, amused and enjoying the way only he could make you feel. You tried to wriggle out of his grasp, but Jaehyun's firm arms drew you back into his body, until you were pressed against his chest and crotch.

"Not right now babe." you said adamantly.

But Jaehyun always gets his own way. You sighed as Jaehyun ignored you and loosened the buttons of your blouse. He covered your shoulder in dainty kisses and you grinned at the way he displayed his affection for you.

"Please," Jaehyun begged, probably for the first time in his life, "We won't have the house to ourselves for the next 3 days. Won't you let me make love to you one last time?"

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