heavenly ✓

𝒄𝒉𝒂𝒑𝒕𝒆𝒓 32

♡︎𝚘𝚙𝚑𝚎𝚕𝚒𝚊'𝚜 𝚙𝚘𝚟♡︎

"hearing my own voice on recording makes me want to apologize to every single person i' ve talked to. like i'm really sorry" complained Elodie, plopping herself on my bed.

"lods, your voice is fine.. i have no clue why you've been obsessing over it" i sighed, unpacking my stuff. and yes i finally came back home yesterday, a fucking doctor. take that you motherfucking Alexander.

"eros made fun of it!!! Like haha that was actually funny but thank you for a new insecurity"

"just get over it! as long as lucas doesn't leave you.. you're fine! you've been ranting over the same thing for hours now, so if you don't want to help me unpack i swear i'll call Eros" i said massaging my temple clearly exhausted.

"you know that I'll get over it. i just need to be dramatic first.. oh and you'll unpack later, we have Lucas's graduation!!" she started rushing me.

"there's two hours until our hair appointment lodie"

"oh well.. i'll go cook us something since i suck at helping you" she stood up and heard towards the door.

"that would be amazing!!" i opened my closet and it still had a few items that remained here while i was in France. I picked them up throwing them on my bed, a single hoodie falling on the ground. i sighed picking it up, seeing it closely i knew it wasn't mine. It was his, and i fucking hate seeing things of him, because i don't want to remember or to have a thought about anything related to him.

But a deep part of me is desperate to know if my absence has done any damage to him. if he layed there on sleepless nights, exhausted of the thought of me. feeling his arms searching the mattress for the warm body that made butterflies fly in his stomach. or did he look at the moon wonder if our hearts hurt the same places. i truly want to know if i ever meant something to him. because something deep down, makes me believe there's more to it.

because i tried to stop loving him. i build walls around my heart to prevent the hope of me and him. but i know that a single look would make them crash, cause he craved himself in my veins and his smell only would make me feel home. he was my home, but apparently i wasn't his.

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Later that afternoon we went to our appointment and did our hair and makeup, then each went to his apartment to put on his dress and meet up at the graduation party after.

i know that he's going to be there. that's the reason why i'm so fucking nervous.

it's been a year. a whole ass year, that I didn't even look at him. has he changed? is he more handsome? more manly? more happy?..

i'm afraid of seeing him. but what i'm most terrified of, is him not seeing me. not caring or batting an eyelash my way. As much as i want to be strong.. i can't keep ignoring qnd lying to myself, because i still have something for him.. as much as i hate it.

it would rip something inside me knowing that he moved on so smoothly and i'm still stuck, removing the needles from my heart, one by one.

But with all of that, i wouldn't say it outloud or agree with it. i'll just keep denying everything like i always do. they don't need to know i'm weak, because if i'm good at something, it would be masking my emotions and only showing a blank face. practice makes perfect.

i put on my heals, and collected my phone and purse, locking the front door and heading towards my car, reviving the engine.

i know i'll see him. but I'm ready for it. let him realize what he lost. i'm no one's second choice and that's even if it meant stepping on my own feelings. i refuse to be anyone's other option.

i parked my car and stepped out, feeling a rush of confidence in me. the  black short dress i'm wearing exposed my collar bone and a bit of cleavage, and i had my hair in a elegant ponytail. i felt amazing.

walking through the hallway, my heels clicking on the ground, i headed towards the very same garden i got my heart shattered in. But i plastered a big smile and went to the first person i saw. which is Elodie. she looked gorgeous. Lucas is a lucky man.

"you look beautiful lods" she was wearing a red dress that exposed her shoulders and had her hair straightened, flowing on her back. a goddess.

"you look gorgeous oph!" she squealed looking at me.

"literally step on me" i continued.

"fuck all the guys in here. will you be my girlfriend?" she asked me.

"oh fuck no! you're already in a relationship babe!" whined Lucas appearing out of nowhere. he was wearing a black tuxedo with a white button down and a red tie.

"oh shut up!! she's a fucking doctor at least" damn right i am.

"i'm going to be a-"

"you should go, because they're starting soon" she pecked his lips and he happily headed inside.

"Let's take out seats" she took me to our seats and the ceremony began.

everything went amazing. Lucas got his diploma, and he didn't fail to mention in his speech how much being here sucks and he literally felt like crying everyday. Then they threw their caps, each with smiles of relief decorating their faces.

Lucas then, came after a while towards us but before Elodie can launch herself at him, a voice spoke up

"congrats bro" then a big figure came and gave Lucas a 'bro-hug'. i would know him anywhere. he definitely got a bit more muscular over the year.

He then turned to us, probably to greet Elodie, but when he saw me, his entire posture stiffened and froze.

he got a lot more handsome tho. obviously he looked more tired from the dark circled that embraced his eyes, but still as beautiful as ever.

i remembered it. All of it, for a long time. The first time we both met eyes, and the first time he touched me. The first time he called me beautiful and the first time he said "i love you". it hurts like hell, but i won't let it defeat me. I'll show him that i can breathe without him even after i swore i can't.

So with all the confidence i found in me, i half smiled, and spoke :

"hello Alexander"

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𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐬 𝐰𝐚𝐬 𝐚 𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐫𝐢𝐛𝐥𝐞 𝐜𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐭𝐞𝐫..

𝐛𝐮𝐭 𝐢 𝐧𝐞𝐞𝐝 𝐭𝐨 𝐟𝐢𝐧𝐢𝐬𝐡 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐬𝐭𝐨𝐫𝐲 𝐬𝐨𝐦𝐞𝐡𝐨𝐰.

ʕ•ᴥ•ʔ 𝐝𝐨𝐧'𝐭 𝐟𝐨𝐫𝐠𝐞𝐭 𝐭𝐨 𝐯𝐨𝐭𝐞 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐜𝐨𝐦𝐦𝐞𝐧𝐭!