OBLIVIOUS REDEMPTION

CHAPTER 55: The Secret Admirer

~New love can heal lost loves, and every mystery of life has its origin in the heart~

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Yasmeen

It's already ten o'clock, and the night is already dark. I lay in the bedroom with the curtains drawn and nothingness washing over me like a sluggish wave.

As I lay there quietly, I couldn't help but wonder why Ahmad has dragged me into the middle of his own broken mess of a life.

Although I've gotten used to not seeing him around, not talking to him and not caring whatsoever he is doing or with whom he is doing it with, I feel claimed and bonded to him like animals do. I feel like I've already been caught and trapped and he's merely priming me, leaving me to simmer in my juices, waiting for the moment when he takes another bite of me.

I have become that girl who is lost in space, forever fading away and receding farther and farther into the background of Ahmad's life.

I am like the girl you see in my assumed new familys photograph from someplace or Ummys's house, who is in fact soon to be gone. Because with every day that goes by, I feel myself becoming more and more invisible to Ahmad.

Just like the Cheshire cat, I'm certainly sure that someday I will suddenly not be there. Ahmad and his family too will be erased from my life, like traitors in the Soviet Union.

The thought didn't bother me, because now I have found a hobby, something I always look forward to, something that constantly occupies my thoughts, My secret love letters.

All night, my heart makes it's way however it can over the rough ground of uncertainties, but only until night meets and then is overwhelmed by morning, the light deepening, the wind easing and just waiting, as I too wait  for another note from anonymous.

Too often we underestimate the power of kind, loving words, a touch, a smile, a listening ear, an honest compliment, or the smallest act of caring, all of which have the potential to turn a life around. Anonymous and his love letters might also turn mine around, for he is the first thing in so long that felt right even though he exist only in the letters that I read

I gazed into the eternal blue sky as soon as I opened my eyes, It was morning. The morning dawned bright and sweet, like ribbon candy. I sprinted out of bed full of excitement, and I eagerly made my way out of the house and to the mail box across the street

As I hastily opened the mailbox, I reached in for the newspaper. Pushing it away, a small white envelope floats out and onto the floor

A smile warms it's way onto my face as I bend down to pick it up, the lopsided red heart in its usual place at the back of the envelope

Ooooohhhhh, I smirked. Another letter from my secret admirer. I can't seem to keep the smile off myself

I didn't care from whom it was anymore, because I realized that when you are blessed with a beautiful light, don't ask where it comes from or why it comes, how it comes, when it will end. Just feel the light, live the light, unite with the light. All your questions will be answered when you surrender to the thing happening to you because in that case, you become that very thing happening to you, you become the light itself

Even for me, life had it's gleams of sunshine, I thought as I read the latest edition to my love  letters

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Hey beautiful!

You make me smile like the sun, fall out of bed, sing like a bird, dizzy in my head. Spin like a record, crazy on a sunday night. You make me dance like a fool, forget how to breath, shine like the sun, buzz like a bee. just the thought of you can drive me wild.

I love you yasmeen, You do not need to be without flaws in order to be loved. Not being perfect does not make us less worthy of love and I'm sorry that your new family led you to believe otherwise.

I love the whole of you, even the parts that you believe are dark and unlovable. I love every scar, every flaw, every hollow hole, and every imperfection. You may think that you're too dark, too broken to ever allow yourself to love again or to be happy, but you can think differently. For to me, you are imperfectly perfect and I love you

You may have taken the wrong turn, but you landed at the right place. I'll keep loving you from a distance, for now.

Love Anonymous ❤️
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Enraptured by the words that he crafts in his sentences, I lost myself unknowingly and surrendered myself to his poetry!

He has an amazing way with his words, he's able to write just a few sentences that carry a meaning deep enough to have me smiling for hours

I took the letter with me and I tucked it under my bed, because I know I would be in serious trouble if my husband sees it. Or maybe not, for you are only jealous of something you love or care about

From the day I saw the first love letter, Everyday, when I checked the mail box, I found a new love letter with something new inside. Some days it's a rose flower, other days it's a drawing of his heart indicating his love for me or a kiss wrapped with love

I started keeping all my letters, and sometimes I re-read them before going to bed. I like getting that butterfly feeling in my stomach rising up to my chest. Lifting my mood up and placing a smile on my lips. It doesn't matter that I have read it before, the thrill just never goes away

The mystery of what my secret admirer has to say is what makes this process so riveting because every one of his letters is unique in its own way

Sometime he writes about me, like when he wrote about my smile, sometimes about himself and how he is barely surviving knowing I belong to somebody else at the moment, sometimes his take on love or his opinion on something and tells me how okey it is to agree or disagree with his opinion. Sometimes it's a scold for being Ahmad's and my in-laws punching bag, or making jokes out of my misfortune

The one thing every letter has in common, however is, they are designed to make me feel the love he is conveying, to ease my suffering and bring back the hope and smile on my face

I kept the letters like a precious treasure, My only treasure. This is everything I thought I didn't want, Or didn't need. But I'm here now and it's everything I need and the only thing I want.

His words touched my heart. I couldn't remember the last time my heart felt so full, and from a man who only wanted to make me happy. To please me, to love me, to be with me. No expectations of what I could do for his status.

There is no strength left in me to deny the fact that anonymous is the one person that lights a candle in the darkest moments of my life. And he is the light that helps me see. And this, I believe is what gives life its deepest significance.

Receiving another note, was like the highlight of my day. Attention is vitality, It connects you with others. It makes you eager, Stay eager.

That little attention and care I get through his words made a huge difference in my life, it's safe to say it somehow filled some portion of the hollow hole Ahmad has left me with, it made me fall head over heels for anonymous.

After a while, I was dying to know who my secret admirer was.

A part of me wanted Ahmad to know about the letters because I want him to know that, I too, was honestly and genuinely loved. that I, too, was addressed like a loved human being respectfully. No doubt those letters were destined to lay in my mail box

But none the less, I am certain that I would keep them all my life as a precious treasure, as my pride and justification, and now at such a minute I had thought of those letters and brought them out with naive pride to raise myself in Ahmad's eyes that he might see, that him too, might think well of me.

But when I heard his footsteps, I quickly put them back, I knew it wasn't worth it, he isn't worth it and it changes nothing

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