OBLIVIOUS REDEMPTION

CHAPTER 61: Hanging By A Moment

~You don't need water to feel like you're drowning, But what brings us to tears, will lead us to grace. Our pain is never wasted~

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Yasmeen

I have come to accept the feeling of not knowing where I am going, where my life in this house is heading to. And I have trained myself to live with it. Because it is only when we are suspended in mid-air with no landing in sight, that we force our wings to unravel and alas begin our flight. And as we fly, we still may not know where we are going to. But the miracle is in the unfolding of the wings. You may not know where you're going, but you know that so long as you spread your wings, the winds will carry you.

After trying on five of my clothes, I finally found one that still fits. I have lost a lot of weight and all my clothes have outgrown me due to poor condition of living and emotional abuse

It has become a routine, I work hard everyday to please Ahmad and his family, I do more than I should to people who are not deserving and I always get paid in a currency recognized nowhere

Somewhere along the way I've gotten the message that the more I struggle and the more I suffer, the more valuable I will become to Ahmad and the more successful I will eventually be in winning his heart. And so I overworked myself, over schedule myself because I think there's some sort of prize on the other side of the pain I have caused myself. And you know what? There's no prize. All I got from suffering is more suffering.

Frustrated, I rubbed my temples. But I didn't like how my hands felt. They felt like sandpaper or perhaps stone, rough and unfinished like that of a laborers

I realized that I wasn't built for suffering or manual labor, it didn't suit me. I cannot continue to work like a horse. I decided that this has to stop soon, I need to give myself a break before I break down. The wise rest at least as hard as they work.

When I finished cooking, I rested for a while before dragging my feet to Ummy's. I saw her and the rest of the family in the living room

"What did you give Ahmad that he had to go to the clinic a few days back?" Ummy asked as soon as I was seated, But I couldn't answer

Clearly I was expected to say something, but panic at having to speak to Ummy stole the thoughts from my head.

"Whatever he ate made him sick, Ummy said, looking at her now skinnier and more fragile son "Ahmad"

"They said it's ulcer, he is still on ulcer meds" I replied, after gathering enough courage

"Ahmad, what did you eat the other day?" She asked again

"Avocado smoothie" He answered

"What did you put in it?" Ummy asked, looking back at me

"It's just Avocado, milk, sugar and ice cubes" I replied, with my heart beating wildly against my rib cage as I am being accused of poisoning my husband

"It made him sick, there must be something you put inside" Ummy said again

"Maybe it's the milk she put or something" habiba added

"Oh gosh, I know the love you have for avocado, now it's ruined for you" jaleelah said

"You should be careful, don't just eat everything she gives you. Something has to be done" Ummy told my husband

I looked at her for a moment, wondering where this is heading to. But to my surprise, She didn't go any further with the conversation. She just gave me a look that says "Ahmad is my property, you're just renting it. Better not kill him before his time"