𝗙𝗼𝗿 𝗬𝗼𝘂𝗿 𝗘𝘆𝗲𝘀 𝗢𝗻𝗹𝘆 🤍

•𝗖𝗿𝘂𝗺𝗯𝗹𝗶𝗻𝗴•

•❄️•

Nikki's POV

Half an hour passes before I could even think about hauling myself up off the floor to even take a step towards the shower, I felt washed out from everything, the ruthless vomiting I've been doing probably didn't help either. My eyes were firmly fixed on the ground as I finally stood up, I couldn't bare to look anywhere else.

Definitely not myself, I couldn't look at myself in the mirror, no way in hell, I felt so disgusted with myself for letting that guy-.... touch me...

Carefully I closed the bathroom door and locked it, unable to leave it unlocked out of pure paranoia. I turn on the water for the shower letting it warm up while my brain went into autopilot, taking off my clothes... I needed to throw them away, I don't ever wanna wear them again.

Once naked I stepped into the shower closing the glass door behind me, watching emotionless as the steam coated the glass, making me almost invisible which made me feel slightly better.

Not much happens for a while, I don't go to wash my hair or my body I just stand- letting the water run off me with me staring blankly at the wall.

Words really aren't enough to describe just how abnormal I'm feeling, how alone I feel. But even if Tommy was here, I'd want to be alone.

I want to be alone but it also scares me to death... does that make any sense?

Knowing I'm completely alone now though kinda gave my brain no choice other than to replay and accept tonight's events... I replayed the entire situation back... I relived the pure terror I felt, I relive the betrayal I felt like I committed and the pain both physical and emotional.

Seconds passed... minutes passed... but eventually it hit me all at once...

Finally, tears filled my eyes as I backed myself against the corner wall of the shower for the first time since that guy abandoned me in the restroom I broke down into piercing violent sobs sliding down the cold tiled wall.

Drawing my legs up to my chest and resting my forehead on my knees, I began letting out all the anger I held towards myself, the fear I felt, the disgust I'm feeling, I just screamed and cried for what felt like forever wanting all this to stop.

I wish I'd have done more... I wish I'd have fought back... I wish I'd never have gone out tonight, I'd betrayed Tommy.

God, why didn't I stop him?

The more I thought about the incident the more I found myself struggling for breath. Everything felt like it was crumbling around me... Tommy's gonna ask so many questions, questions I can't answer... I'm so ashamed of myself.

Pretty soon, I couldn't breathe at all, I was just stuck in the moment, all I could see was that guys sickening smile- my hands tried to grab onto the tiles of the walls around me as I continued to gasp for air.

My brain tried to think of happy memories, mostly involving Tommy as he is my happiness but no matter how many memories I dug up, it didn't get rid of my violators face.

So my last thought as I lost consciousness and my world faded into black wasn't of my boyfriend, it was of the man who'd ruined my life.