His to Serve

Chapter Twenty-Eight - Empty

It had been another couple of days, again I'm not too sure how long if I'm honest. I hadn't moved from the windowsill where I found myself lying after I must have passed out from exhaustion. I woke up to the room having been destroyed, clearly I had blacked out from pure hysteria.

The tea mugs had been launched across the room, the mattress flipped and mirrors smashed. Evelyn came in the next day and upon seeing the scene shook her head lightly, before she picked up everything I had destroyed, especially the sharp things.

I had chuckled at that, as if she feared that would be my next step. But I hadn't moved from the spot I found myself in, just about using the toilet now and then but even then I rarely moved, never leaving my room.

I wasn't eating or drinking, I just didn't have the strength to. Bethany came in every now and then, feeding me the blasted tea and other medicinal herbs to keep me well. She came with a multitude of potions daily, but none of them seemed to do what she desired. 

I barely had enough in me to allow myself to think, so I found myself drifting in and out of daydreams, of me and Brand and of life before all this mess. I know Brand wanted to go slow for me, but I couldn't deny the connection that had been built in the short time together and I felt as if I had been starved of contact with him, this hell I now found myself in was something I wouldn't wish upon my worst enemy.

So against my window I stayed, drifting in and out of thoughts, and in and out of consciousness. I knew people often came into my room and checked on me, talked to me, but I didn't acknowledge them. I kept my eyes trained on the bridge that I watched him leave on.

How dare he just leave me, am I not important enough to him? Could he not see how I feel, or feel how I felt, but it was useless now, I didn't have the strength to argue with myself about it, I just felt empty and alone.

I knew I couldn't do it much longer, I had to get away from here, leave him behind, maybe the feelings would fade and he would realise what he did and I could move on with my life, pretending this chapter never existed.

I heard a click on the door as I saw Bethany sitting in front of me, her eyes rimmed red and her hands shaking with anger. She clenched her jaw as she assessed me and shook her head. She slammed her fist on the drawer next to her as I moved my head for the first time in a while and looked at her, slight surprise covering my face.

Her eyes opened in shock as I looked emotionless at her, "Lillian. I will tell you this now because I love you. You look like shit, and you are unwell. You haven't eaten or washed or even moved in days, the only reason you're functioning is because I have spoon fed you everyday. I have given you your time, but I am not watching you do this to yourself any longer" she shouted as I faintly raised my eyebrows, wow someone was feeling feisty today.

"I will not watch you waste away here and die, especially you over a fucking man. Seriously you're the toughest person I've ever met, ever. And you're sitting here being a little bitch, acting like a child, and you are no child. You are the person who raised me, who taught me to be a confident young woman and to always look out for myself and stand up for myself. Not fucking turn into a sack of shit when you don't get something you want. I know this is hard, but he is doing it for you, and I cannot even look at you like this anymore. I am at the end of my patience with you, now fucking get up and remember who you are. I am not going to sit here and coddle you any longer" she continued as I assessed her words,

"I cannot imagine what you are going through and my heart breaks for you, truly, but you need to sort yourself out. I am not watching you wither away when you have survived so much worse. You are free to leave this room, so leave it. He is not dead. And while I do not respect how he has treated you; I will not watch you have this pity party any longer. I cannot watch you, i cannot bare to see you this way, You are Lillian fucking Silverback, you are my sister. The one person I have left in my life and I cannot sit here and let you do this to yourself" She said as she dusted off her dress and stood up.