Deathless

Chapter 26: Jackson

There are different types of anger. Anger that comes from hatred, from vengeance, from passion. But the most dangerous, the most unpredictable, is rage fuelled by fear. Fear, genuine fear. Fear that turns the marrow to ice. Turns human hands into tearing claws. A beating heart to the centre of a raging storm.

She was on my list. Millie's life condensed into one of those hateful manilla files. Just another soul for me to reap.

My girl. And I was supposed to touch her, stop her heart from taking one more beat and guide her out of this world forever. This was my punishment. It had to be. Some cosmic joke, for ignoring Death's requests for help. The nightmares tore me apart. I woke drenched in sweat, feeling trapped, caged, knowing I'd dreamt of him. The guilt had eaten away at me. The only relief was when I was with her, and then it didn't matter. She was all I wanted.

And now I was going to lose her, anyway.

The thought of it had me full of such desperate, all-consuming dread I didn't feel like a man anymore. I was an animal. Logic, rationality, everything I believed about what I was and what I do was being dragged away in the current of my fear. On her twenty-first birthday, in the early hours of a February morning, a drunk driver would hit Millie. She'd die in the street, surrounded by strangers outside my apartment.

I'd vomited until my stomach was raw.

Could Death's Plan be cruel? Yes. I'd always believed that whilst the decision may be for a purpose, it was also as random as the flip of a coin. That Millie's death was just a step forward, the flap of a butterfly's wing, in whatever direction mankind was supposed to go. But Millie was my world now, and I didn't care much about the state of mankind. It wasn't that I'd stopped believing. I just didn't care about those beliefs as much as I cared for her.

And that's why I was here. To pummel Lucius in the face until he told me one of two things. That this was a sick joke or how could I stop it? I pull my arm back, slamming it towards Lucius' nose until I heard a satisfying crack.

"Take it back!" I'm roaring, one hand gripping Lucius' shirt, shoving him against one of the marble pillars deep in the archives. My yells echo off the miles and miles of yellowing files. Thomas is behind me, desperately trying to pull me off him. I can hear my shirt tearing in his hands.

"I don't know what you're talking about!" Lucius splutters, blood pouring from his nose and trickling into his mouth.

"Jax, let him go!" Thomas is yelling in my ear, but I can barely hear him above my own raging pulse.

"Millie. How could you? Was it a prank? Is this my punishment? Is that how you want me to pay? How did you do it?"

"Jax, I..."

"How did you do it?!" I shout so loud my voice carries through the cathedral-like space, around narrow hallways and high into the mountain tall glass ceilings. Thomas tries to pull me away again, but I don't move. Lucius lifts his head, so he's looking at me hard in the eye.

"Listen to me, I didn't do anything!"

"But her file..."

"Shit," Thomas backs away, sudden enough that I turn around and stare at him. He runs his fingers through his hair, his face a mask of sympathy and sadness. I feel sick to my stomach. "You got a file for Millie?"

When I turn back to face Lucius, he's wiping the blood away from his face with the back of his hand. Breathing hard. But it's the pain, the pity I see there, that crushes me.

"I didn't do anything to the files. If you got her file... it's because you were supposed to. I'm so sorry Jackson."

"Yeah, sorry mate," Thomas whispers.