7 & me

19. Jealous

T A E H Y U N G   P E R S P E C T I V E

When we arrived in my room I let myself fall on the bed and started scrolling through my phone. Jungkook came to sit next to me.

'Tae,'  he said quietly. It was the voice he used whenever he really wanted or needed to talk to me. The voice that made me melt for him.

I put down my phone and looked at him so he would know I was listening.

'Tae, you know I would never leave you right?' he said softly, his big eyes serious.

'I  mean, it's the same with all the other Hyungs. I might have sex with them now and then, but they all know I belong to you,' he spoke.

'But she doesn't know you're mine,' I said, feeling my jaw clench up. I  could feel the build-up of my frustration reached its peak. 'Not only that, but you keep talking about her, keep swooning over her. It seems like she's all you can think about. Even last night, when I was fucking  you, your mind seemed to be somewhere else,' I spat out the thoughts that had been plaguing me.

Jungkook bit his lip for a second, thinking, and looking cute while doing so.

'You know Tae, you like her too. You were talking and thinking about her too. And I'm okay with that, because I know I'll never lose you to someone else. Even though you like her and lust for her, I know that you'll still be with me and you'll still love me the most,' Jungkook said faithfully.

He was always so loyal. So kind and loveable. I cupped his face in my hand, and he put his hand over mine.

'I  trust you. And I want you to trust me too,' Jungkook said sweetly. 'You know what the situation is like for me. I've still never had a girl. I  never could before. But this time I might have a shot if she'll have me of course,' he said truthfully.

I knew he was right. I knew his situation all too well.

And that was right where the problem was at.

'I'm just afraid you'll find you like her more than me,' I sighed, closing my eyes. I had said it. The very thing that I feared.

Jungkook sighed and I opened my eyes.

I  could never bear to lose him. Especially not to a girl. A girl that I  actually liked too. A girl that I had voted on to bring into our house.

'Tae, I have no idea what will happen. But I'm sure, even if she is to accept me and even if  I will start to like her much more than I do now, I will never, ever love anyone more than you. I promise,' Jungkook said, entangling his fingers with mine. 

I nodded slowly. I found it hard to accept his words. And I knew I would have an incredibly hard time letting him go to her.

I  remembered the feeling I first had when he asked me whether he could have sex with one of the other guys. I had felt hurt, betrayed,  angry even.

But it had been so hypocritical as I had been sleeping with all the other guys too.

And now I was being a hypocrite again.

It was just so hard to let him go. Especially if it meant his first time with a woman. If she'd have him of course.

But I desired her too. I wanted her too.

And I couldn't forbid Jungkook from trying as I would do the same.

And I couldn't keep pretending to hate her or be annoyed by her while at the same time I was imagining her sucking me off.