My Heart's in Alabama

42 - Matt

Kiersten stares at me with her mouth wide open. Confusion. Hurt. Betrayal. It's written all over her face. I didn't want her to find out like this, but I backed myself into a corner with no way out but the truth. I kept putting it off and putting it off, delaying the inevitable, and it completely backfired on me. I shouldn't have tried to hide it from her. I should have told her as soon as I made my decision. But I didn't and now I've made it so much worse. God, I'm such an idiot.

"What do you mean?" she sputters out. "Like down the street? To another house? Do you not have enough space? I guess Drew and Carrie are a bit old to share a room, but you can make it work. I can't imagine your dad wanting to move. He loves that house..."

I shake my head knowing that she doesn't really believe I'm simply moving across town. She's smart enough to know that's not what's happening, but she doesn't want to accept it.

"No. I'm moving-moving. Like out of town."

She continues to stare at me, refusing to let reality set in.

"So, like, a town over? I mean, that's not so bad. Omg, are you going to Westerbury? They have a great team. I think this'll be really good for you, Matty. Seriously. You might actually win something for once. Maybe you'll even make it to the state championship! Omg, that would be so cool. Sure we'll be at different schools, but we can manage. We'll still have the weekends. And summer! Can't forget about summer."

"No."

I say, trying to remain gentle, but firm. I don't wanna be harsh with her, but I need her to understand that I'm serious. It's hard enough already without her pretending she doesn't understand what I'm trying to tell her. I know what I'm leaving behind. All the dreams I had for us. All those times I imagined her slipping her hand in mine as we walked to school or kissing me when her dad wasn't looking or whispering "I love you" right before we fell asleep. All I ever wanted, or thought I wanted, will be flying by in my rearview mirror and I'll have to live with the choice I made to say goodbye.

"I'm sorry, but I'm moving. Like for real. I'm not gonna be around anymore."

"Don't be so dramatic," she laughs with a roll of her eyes. Westerbury isn't that far away. Only like 15 minutes or so. Totally doable."

I grip the sides of the dock, close my eyes and count to five, trying to keep myself from falling apart. I knew it wouldn't be easy, but I didn't think it'd be like this. If she doesn't even want to let herself believe that I'm actually leaving, there's no way she's going to understand why I'm doing this. I could explain it a million different ways, and it's still gonna break her heart.

"I'm not moving to Westerbury," I say softly. "I'm moving to New Orleans."

Kiersten blinks, completely taken aback.

"New Orleans? The New Orleans?"

"In Louisiana, yeah."

"But that's six hours away."

"I know."

Her eyes flicker around as she tries to make sense of it all. Reality hits her and her face twists into anger and annoyance.

"Why?" She asks with a disgusted look on her face.

Her pointed tone cuts through me and stabs me straight in the heart. I'm not used to her being angry with me. Not like this. We bicker and poke fun at each other, but it's always in good spirits. A playful annoyance with a warm smile. The stark difference is jarring and heartbreaking.

"That's where my mom is. I'm going to live with her."

"Your mom?!"

Her shock and disbelief causes her to shout. The small fire of anger within her is doused with gasoline and it quickly burns through her like wildfire.