Revolution- Runaways 3 [EDITING]

Chapter 7: Eli

I just needed to be alone. I loved Peyton, and I appreciated that she wanted to be there for me, but I had to be away from her for a little while. Thankfully, she understood. Well, I wasn't thankful she knew what it was like, but I was thankful I didn't have to explain it to her. That probably didn't make sense.

I looked down at my hands. I was finally getting used to their darker, softer edges. But they were still the same hands that used to hurt my body every day. I didn't think about it much, but I used to be just like Peyton. It made me sick, but part of me still wished I was in that headspace.

My feet kept moving on their own until I was as far away from the house as I could get. I'd stepped outside after the meeting to catch some air, and a few seconds had turned into almost an hour. I had been pacing the entire time. Now, I found myself sitting at the base of a particularly large and tall tree.

My head was throbbing, my throat was parched, my stomach was empty, and yet I was out here instead of inside taking ibuprofen, drinking water, eating lunch, and then taking a much-needed nap. Because the truth was, none of those things would do me any good in my mental state. I may have been thirsty, starving, and exhausted, but my stomach turned at the thought of food and my thoughts raced across my mind at breakneck speeds. In other words, I couldn't sleep or eat if I wanted to.

These days were the absolute worst kinds of days. The days that I wanted to throw myself off the face of the earth, even Peyton couldn't draw me out of my head. I had to find the way out myself. And sometimes, that meant stepping outside and letting myself breathe. They may not notice it, and I knew they weren't doing it on purpose, but I felt pressure from them all the time. Not as much now as I did before I died, but I knew they still expected me to be someone. Someone who could save them. I didn't want to break it to them, but that someone wasn't me.

I must have fallen asleep despite the never-ending rollercoaster in my head because I woke up to Luke's kind voice. Golden light shone behind him, indicating that it was sometime in the late afternoon. He was shaking my shoulder gently.

"Eli," he said quietly. "You haven't eaten or drank anything since eight o'clock this morning. Peyton told me I could find out you out here. She was starting to get concerned." He offered me a hand and I gratefully took it. His bicep flexed as he pulled me to a standing position. "You okay?"

"Honestly? No. But will I be at some point? Yes, probably, hopefully. I'm just having one of those days where I kinda wish the bullet had stayed in my chest." I tried to smile to make my joking tone more believable, but I only succeeded in forming a tight line with my lips.

He patted me on the back, leading me back to the house. "Trust me, we've all had those days in the past few weeks. Holler if you need to talk man-to-man. Peyton may be your girlfriend and she may have a very similar past to you, but it's not the same as talking to another guy."

I sighed. "I feel bad unloading my problems on you. They're miniscule compared to what you're going through," I muttered.

"Hey, listen. I offered. And truthfully, it actually helps if I listen to someone else complain. It reminds me that I'm less alone..." His voice drifted off on the last syllable.

"You're not alone," I assured him. "Peyton and I went through the same thing."

"And neither are you. Talk to me if you need to, seriously. I'll always have an open ear. Especially through this whole Kamiah thing. Peyton's really lucky she's crippled at the moment." I barely caught the sadness beneath his lighthearted tone.

"I've never been so thankful to see someone injured," I confessed. "She scared me to death in Apopka. I have no wish to repeat it. And on a different note, you can always talk to me too. Even when I do seem closed off."