Back To You | complete

Chapter 06| Love & Sleep

Chapter six: Love and sleep

O L I V I A

Holy shit.

I knew we'd have to come face to face and I was avidly avoiding it. That is until I was forced to speak to him. It was when he had spoken to me that I realized that I had been yearning for it all these years. That realization freaked me out inside out. It made me angrier with him and myself.

I wished I could go back to simpler times. Times when his address was loving and not accusing, when we would spend every possible moment of every day together, when we would talk, communicate and cuddle instead of playing what seemed like an ugly version of cat and mouse.

I rubbed my arms together furiously as I walked along the shore. I tried to shut my brain down but failed miserably. I rubbed my sweaty palms on my jeans and tried to focus on the ocean to calm down.

"Liv!"

I groaned. What part of walking away from a group fails to convey the need for some solitude?

"I'm not in the mood, Sam," I called back without stopping.

She caught up breathlessly. "Listen to me!"

"What is it?" I asked tiredly. I knew exactly what.

"Talk to him," she said. "Get closure."

"What closure?" I was already mentally exhausted. "We know what happened. We talked six years ago. I'm good."

"That was not closure," she insisted. "That was a half-assed post-break-up talk."

"I'm good," I reiterated. "And I am not talking to him."

"You make me want to lock you guys up in a fucking room!" She groaned.

I glared at her. "Don't even think about it."

"I already have. But I'm afraid he won't make it out alive and that's been holding me back."

"Hardy har-har," I deadpanned.

"Liv, please," she pleaded.

And we have firmly crossed the line to downright pissed.

"What the fuck?" I bit out. "No."

"God, I'm tired of your stubbornness!" She snapped. "You refuse to talk it out and then you mope around all the time. Five years, Olivia! Five. Get over it!"

"I am over it!" I raised my voice. "I'm good! I'm fine!"

"You are delusional if you think that," she scoffed. "You are afraid to love. You're so fucking damaged that you are scared every time your relationships get serious. You quit. You back out. The only reason you're still friends with me and Griffin is that we've held on too tight. You're still hung up on Kaison and I know that despite you trying to hide it. You're still in fucking love!!"

"I am not!" I told her indignantly. My face was probably turning red. "You don't know anything!"

"I can't believe you!" She shook her head. "I was the one who listened to you crying and ranting all these years. Late nights when you were too lonely to sleep, I was there on video calls, talking to you till you drifted off. When you were so distressed, I was the one who talked you down. I was there for you through everything and you're telling me I don't know anything?!"

She had a point. But that just made me madder. I needed space. I wanted to think. She might've been there, but she didn't know. She couldn't know. Except, she did. And I had been more transparent than I had believed. Now that carelessness was coming back to bite me in the ass when I least need it. My eyes prickled uncomfortably.