minho has an eating disorder.
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"that's a bmi of 17.6", the woman announced, the worried look on her face couldn't conceal her obvious pride about minhos weight loss. "I mean, wow".
minho only shakily exhaled. his stomach twisted, he was lightheaded...
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(◞‸◟)
11h of december
my therapist suggested that I write down my feelings, my progress and my relapses in a diary so I can look at them whenever I need to.
I told her writing a diary sucks.
so she said I could just write letters to my past and future self. or to myself in general.
so, yes. I really like that idea. though, it might be just as cheesy as writing a diary.
well, anyway.
hi, minho.
I'm at the dorm again. since five days. it's the usual. changbin yelling and seungmin teasing, felix baking and chan walking around half naked. definitely an upgrade from the hospital, huh?
I haven't weighted myself yet, but it's pretty clear that I have gained weight. I complained about it to felix once, but he told me I was crazy and that I looked just as skinny as I was before. I think he's lying.
isn't it crazy? I almost died and my peacock brain is still telling me to keep going because I'm too fat. I'm kind of sick of hearing this voice in my head whenever I look at myself. chan told me to talk to him. I might.
minho was shivering in that bathroom. he was freezing. one good look at himself in the mirror and he could see what he had become in the past few weeks.
he took one big breath and released it, shuttering. then he scoffed. this wasn't one bit therapeutic. he was going insane. he had lost it.
all he was able to feel for the past weeks was anger. real, crushing anger, which pushed him even further away from everyone. his secret was openly laid out on the table and the only reason why was because he couldn't even keep it to himself. this was pathetic.
he had gained weight. it didn't even take a look into the mirror too see it - minho felt it in his skin. the way his thighs touched, how his stomach became soft all over again, how his chest ribs had disappeared.
was it possible to gain this much in just a few weeks? probably. minho felt it himself, after all.
god, he was so tired. so tired of being forced to eat, even more tired of being forced to leave the food inside of him. he was being monitored not only by the staff but also by the other members. all he wanted was to waste away, but they wouldn't even let him do that. it wasn't like he was someone important to begin with.
