Behind The Alpha Book 4 CASS

Chapter 2

(Chapter song ‘Let Her Go' by Passenger)
CASS

“Fran, wait!” 
I chase my girlfriend, well, apparently ex girlfriend, out of my pack house.  She’s pissed because…ok…I have no clue, but she’s mad at me and leaving.
“Fran!”
She spins around.  Her auburn hair flying out around her head and I stop with a puppy dog look on my face.  Her hazel eyes are filled with so much anger.  I want to reach out, touch her sun kissed skin and kiss her pink lips.  I want to tell her she doesn’t need to be angry and that everything’s going to be OK.
“I’m leaving, Cass.”  She points in my face.  “Don’t call, email, text.  I don’t even want smoke signals.”
“Why?  What did I do?”  I throw my hands to my sides.
“What didn’t you do?!”  She yells.  “A Luna ceremony?  Really?”
“Don’t you want to be my Luna?”  I ask softly.
She shakes her head.  “I don’t even know your middle name!”
“It’s Trevor.”  I smile. 
“Trevor.”  She stands and crosses her arms.  “Seriously?”  She arches a brow.
“It was my dad’s name.”  I give her a curious look.
“I’m out of here.”  She spins around and strides to her car.
“Fran…”  I plead. 
“No, Cass.  You’re smothering, ok.”  She says without looking back.
“I love you.  How can I be smothering?”  I defend.
She opens her car door.  “That’s just it.  You just pour and pour and I can’t breathe.  The gifts, praise and compliments.  The thousands of text messages all hours of the day.  Planning things we shouldn’t even be talking about right now.  I can’t.  I feel…icky.”  She gets in and starts the car.
My brows stitch together.  “Icky?”  I lean on her car.  “Fran!”
“Good bye, Cass.  See you never.”  She peels her beautiful face out of my driveway and out of my life forever.  Leaving me there crushed.  I really thought she was the one.  We were so connected on so many levels.  I swore I felt the bond connection.  I loved her too much?  How’s that even possible?
I hang my head and walk back into the pack house.  I kick the front door shut and walk to the blue common room.  I stop and flop my sorry ass onto one of the white couches.  I rest my head back on the top of the cushion and rub my face, trying to make sense of what just happened. 
How can you love someone too much?  I don’t get it.  I have everything she could ever want.  I’m Alpha of my pack.  I have full coffers.  I’m emotionally available.  What the fuck am I doing wrong?
I should probably spin a little context into this. 
Back when I was younger, I was fine with casual dating.  I wanted a fated, but I wasn’t begging for it. 
It didn’t start to sting until Jayson Duke, my best friend, found Sarah.  She was his fated after striking out with Wren.  My friend Kale, the dumbass player, also found Georgia in that time too.  Still, I shook it off.  I was happy for them and still held a lot of hope.  There’s always next year. 
The next blue moon came and Luke Jackson, of all people, gets his mate, Alexi Torrent.  A Dragon daughter.  That pissed me off.  The womanizing asshole gets his mate and I strike out again. 
I eventually shook that off too until more and more of my friends mated up.  Then there are the ceremonies, parties, kids.  The shits constant.  Everyone’s so damn happy.  Now, it’s just me and Deacon Riley left and I swear, if Dea finds his mate before me, I’m losing my shit!  It’s been twenty years of desperately trying to find someone, anyone, to spend the rest of my life with and it’s been nothing but rejection after painful rejection. 
I lower my head, thinking of Fran’s exit speech, and rest my hands in my lap. 
“Cass.” 
I turn my pathetic head to my beta Kevin Ardin as he joins me on the couch.  He’s a great friend with lighter hair and brown eyes.  He’s a tad smaller than me and has the same kind of level head, though these days... 
Kevin can pull it out if he needs to and that’s great for me because I’m a mess.  Have been for years. 
He hands me a file.  “Pack vettings." 
I take it from him.  “Thanks.”  I mumble. 
He leans back and puts an arm on the back of the couch.  “Fran left, huh?” 
He must have heard.  The whole pack knows  I’m sure, with the way she was yelling. 
“Yep.”  I rub my long on top, dirty blonde hair and nape.
He leans on his knees.  “You need to stop.”
“Stop what?  I don’t even know what I’m doing wrong!” I flop my arms on my thighs.
“Clearly.”  He adjusts himself to face me.  “Look.  How long have you been dating this girl?”
“3 days.”  I grumble.
“3 days.”  He sighs and rubs his light brown hair.  “Ok.  How much do you really know about her?”
I stare straight ahead as I pull up my internal PhD of Fran.  “She like late nights, early mornings, scrambled eggs, reading, biking, walks on the beach…”  I lean back and cross my leg.  “She uses strawberry scented shampoo, candy cane lip gloss is her favorite.  She had a puppy named Muffin when she was 5…”
“Wait.”  Kevin sits forward and puts up a hand.  “How do you know all this?”
“The internet.”  I shrug.
He looks at me with a kind of shock.  “You searched her out on the net?”
“Yeah.  Why not?”  I say.
He slams his hands on his face and falls back onto the couch.  “Ugh…Cass…”
I hold my hands out.  “What?”
He shakes his head at me.  “You’re a social stalker!”
I hold a hand up to him to stop him right there.  “No…No, I’m in love.”
“Doing a background check on someone isn’t love, Cass.  It’s fucking creepy.”  Kevin scowls.
I shake my head.  “I had to know what I needed to do to make her happy.  I didn’t want her to have to tell me.”
“Cass!  What’s the point of getting to know someone?!”  He says in a condescending tone. 
“You’ve never been in love, so you have know idea what it’s like.”  I wag my finger at him.
“Neither have you!”  He holds a hand out.  “Cass…I get it.  You’re lonely…”
“I’m not lonely…”  I lie as I pick at my shirt.
“Yes…Yes, you are and it’s messing with your head.  You need to slow down and quit scaring them away with your oozing devotion.”  Kevin says. 
“I don’t ooze devotion.”  I scrunch my face and roll my head to him. 
He turns to me more.  “Cass.  I love you like a brother, man.  I’ve been with you through thick and thin, but come on.  A Luna ceremony for a girl you’ve only been seeing for 3 days?  Even you have to see how wrong that is.” 
I bite the corner of my lip.  “I just thought…”
“You need to keep those thoughts to yourself or you’re constantly going to get broken.”  He puts his hand on my shoulder.  “You need to go back to old Cass.  Just have fun and stop trying to force women into being your fated.”
I glance at him.  “Yeah.  That’s what the guys said.”  I run that conversation I had with Jayson the night of Wes' mate celebration. 
He taps my chest with the back of his hand.  “See.  We’re trying to help you, bro.  You need to settle this down.”
I press my lips and nod.  “You’re right.”  I scrub my face and stab my hair.  “You’re absolutely right.  Obviously, what I’m doing isn’t working.  I need a new approach.” 
“Ok.”  He eyes me.
“I think I need to change things up.”  I start to feel kind of pumped up. 
“To what?”  He asks.
“The opposite of whatever this is.”  I say as I stand.  “If Fran doesn’t like my nice side, I’ll give her my dark side.”
“Your dark side?  Cass, you don’t have a dark side.”  Kevin stands too as I grab my coat.
“Oh, I have a dark side and I’m going to be such an asshole, the ladies will flock.  It worked for Luke.”  I grab my coat and roll plans through my head as I stride to the door.
“Luke Jackson is the last person you should emulate.”  He follows me to the door.
I wag my finger in the air as I search for my keys.  “No.  He really had something there.  He was never short on ladies.”
“Yeah, but he didn’t even know their names and had zero respect.  Cass!”  He yells from the door as I run to my Audi.
“Gotta go shop for my new look!  See ya!”  I grin and jump in.  I back out, hit the road and drive to the highway to Falcon Ridge.  This will work.  I know it will.  I’ve spent my life being Mr. Nice Guy and it’s gotten me nowhere.
Time to turn the tables. 

****

I cruised the mall and went from shop to shop, picking out dick guy clothes.  It may sound stupid, but the more I think about it, it seems like the more of a dick you are, the more fate seems to notice you.  If you look at my friends here and even in Phoenix, they’re all pretty messed up.  Might as well join them.  Being sweet and lovable gets you left in the dirt with your heart slaughtered and bleeding out. 
Not happening.  Fran was the last one to break this Alphas heart.  I’m sick of being trampled on because none of these women will take five seconds to get me. I’m the one doing the trampling from now on. 
I take a bunch of clothes into the dressing room with me.  I got the thick, black boots, black pants, cargos and jeans.  Black tank top, of course and skull cap.  Everything I’ve seen on the younger guys these days.  This should do it.  The ladies won’t know what hit them. 
I walk out and pause at the mirror.  I straighten my old look.  Brown jacket, white shirt and blue jeans.  I look like a pussy.  I stare at my reflection as I remember my date a few weeks ago where she just up and left with another guy for no reason.  Just ‘See ya around’.
No wonder girls walk.  I look like a douche.
I’m an Alpha.  It’s about time I looked back at my 23 year old self and brought that guy back.  Back when I was cool on the training field.  Time to pull him out of retirement.
I turn and there’s a guy just standing in the middle of the hallway that leads to the store.
“Hey, buddy.  You ok?”  I poke his back and he doesn’t move.
I step to his side.  He has this vacant, almost love crushed, look on his face. 
I eye him up and down.  “Excuse me, dude.”  I push past him and walk to the register, pay and walk out.  As I enter the malls walkway, I hear a man’s scream and someone shouting to call the medics. 
I look back, arch a brow, shrug and walk away.  “They got it handled.” 
As I walk out of the mall, I mentally prepare myself for the coming weekend when I unleash my inner jerk. 
God, I hope this works, I think as I toss the bags in the back and get in the car.  I slowly do up my seat belt and start it up.
The soft rumble of the engine, gets my brain thinking.  My face falls and my blue eyes meet my reflection in the rear view mirror.  I’m trying not to feel it, but my face shows everything.
I adjust in the seat and stare out the windshield.  The past two decades hit my chest. 
‘You’re lonely, Cass.’
“I can’t do another year of this.”  I fold my arms on the steering wheel and bounce my forehead off them as I rest my head.  I fight my feelings and confusion.  The love I have inside is just aching to get out and no one wants it.  Why doesn’t anyone want it?  Why doesn’t anyone want me?
“Fate…I can’t.  I just can't.”