Behind The Alpha Book 4 CASS

Chapter 27

(Chapter song ‘Somebody That I Used To Know’ by Gotye)
EMBER

I shut the door and stuff my hands in the pockets of my jacket.  “Eros.  You’re looking like shit.”  I smirk.
“Psyche just left.”  He mumbles.
I step into the sitting area of his grand gold, white and red office.  My boots thumping on his dark wood floors.  The grand windows over look the cosmos.  The mountains and buildings on them all lit up in the dark sky. 
“How’s that going?”  I ask.
He ticks his lip up and clicks the ice in his glass.  “My ex wife is definitely not one to be taken lightly.”  He chuckles sarcastically and gets up.  He walks to his office bar, grabs a bottle of whiskey and walks back.  He sinks back down on the couch.  “How’s the match going?”
I tick my head with a shrug.  “He’s off the board, if that’s what you mean.  Technically, he’s matched.” 
He points his drink hand to me.  “With you, I hear.” 
I nod.  “Yes.  With me.  I’m fixing it, but I have to ask…” 
He sits back and holds his hands out.  “Ask away.”  He takes a drink. 
“I have to ask.  What went wrong?”
“What went wrong?”  He arches a brow.
“With your ex.  What went wrong after you shot yourself?  Why didn’t it work out?”  I cross my arms and wait for an answer.
“That…That is the question, isn’t it?”  He sits up.  “What went wrong?  My mother and her sisters.  That’s what went wrong.  Psyche and I, we were a match made in the cosmos.  My mother was insanely jealous.  She ran this office before me.  One day, she calls me in.  She says she’s sick of this woman and wants her to be matched horribly.  I told her that we didn’t use this office for jealous rampages.  She didn’t care.  So, I said ok.  I wasn’t the most behaved God back then, but I had standards and a small sense of morals.  Anyway…”  He leans to his coffee table and refills his glass with the last reminisce of alcohol in his bottle.  He sits back and takes a sip. 
“The night I was supposed to make the hit, I saw her.  I fell in love almost instantly.  I had the arrow ready and was going to do it, but I had to get a kiss first.  I don’t know why, I was compelled or something.  She was sleeping and I kissed her, my arrowhead pricked her by accident.  She woke which scared me and I stabbed myself in the foot.  This woke so much in me.  She couldn’t see me through my shield, but I saw her and her radiant beauty.  Before I showed myself, I blew out her candle.”  He ran his fingers through his hair. 
“I was so entranced by her, she became my most precious possession.  I professed my love and proposal for marriage in the dark of her room.  I asked for her hand on one condition.  That she never lay eyes on me.  Not once.  I didn’t want her to know who and what I was.  I just wanted to love her, shower her with gifts and treasures.  We were fine.  I loved her in the dark and was gone by morning, only to return to her in the night.  As long as she didn’t look at me, we were happy and my mother wouldn’t be wiser.” 
“But she did.”  I sat in a chair by the couch as I listened to the tragedy of his marriage to Psyche. 
His face fell and he downed his glass.  “Yep.  She couldn’t resist.  Her sisters tormented her with jealousy.  Told her she married a monster.  My mother relentlessly hounded me wondering where I was all the time.  She stuck her nose in and wouldn’t let off until she found out where I spent my nights.  My mother egged the sisters on further as her suspicions increased.  One night, while we slept, Psyche broke her promise to me.  She looked at me.  I was so fucking angry.  I screamed at her.  I threw my power at her.  She cowered at my feet.  I terrified her.  I was so pissed off with her, I ran.  Her betrayal of my trust broke my heart in two.  I just couldn’t believe that she would even think I was some kind of monster that would hurt her.  Her doubt of my love hit me so hard, I couldn’t bare looking at her.”
My face softens and I bite my top lip.  “It’s such a small thing, Eros.  Why throw away a good thing for a look?”
He waved his drink around.  “It’s the principle of the thing.  She vowed to not lay eyes on me and she broke that vow.  It made me question my entire marriage.  What other vows would she break in the future?”
He stands and walks around his office.  “My mother…”  He laughs a drunken laugh.  “My mother was beside herself with glee.  She wanted Psyche married to a monster, she got me.  “Eros, now you see the only one you need to love is me.  This is your punishment for disobedience.”  She’d say almost daily from that seat right there.  I hated her so fucking much.  I hated her because as she sat there, I knew…she was right.” 
I tilt my head.  “She was right?”
He nods.  “I was a monster.  What went wrong, was my reaction.  I shouldn’t have ran.  I should have tried to make it right.”
I lean on my knees.  “You still love her.” 
He nods.  “I would bring the great mountain down if it meant we could fix things, but it’s too late.  I was so hung up on myself.  High on the secrecy of my marriage, I didn’t realize I was torturing Psyche.  Keeping myself from her only allowed her to be open to her sisters jealousy.  It allowed my mother to find the one thing that could crush me for loving a mortal.”  He sat back down.  “I didn’t fight for us and to this day I kick my ass for it.  I destroyed my marriage, not her.  I valued my wings over my own wife and now, I’ve destroyed her.”
“She wants to fix things.  She still loves you, Eros.”  I say softly. 
He raises his glass.  “It’s just the affects of my magic.  It infected her brain when she looked at me.  She’s obsessive and can be down right dangerous.  I punish myself knowing she’s out there trying everything to win me back, but at this point, I can’t even begin to forgive myself because it’ls all my fault.”
“Well, that’s the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard.”  I say as I sit back.
“Excuse me?”  He says.
“You heard me.  You’re a jackass.  She loves you.  She wants you.  She’s willing to forgive you.  Cupid.  She wants to accept you for who you are.  Don’t you see?  Her love for you is so pure, she doesn’t care what you’ve done or what you are.  You treating her like this.  You trying to avoid her and pretend she doesn’t exist, that’s the monster.”  I stare at him as I try to use my love bug and open his eyes.
He twists his lips and thinks.  “I guess I kind of created my own hell.” 
“You got that right.”  I chuckle. 
He rolls an eye to me.  “You could probably use some of your own advice.” 
I furrow my brow.  “How?”
“Aren’t you pretending Cass doesn’t exist?”  He eyes me.
“No.  I see him.”  I say.
“But you don’t…feel him.  You pretend he's not in there, Ember, but he is, isn’t he?”  he points to my heart. 
My hand covers my heart as my thoughts of Cass fill my head.  “He can’t be in here."  I whisper.
“He can…you just have to want it.  This lying and pushing down your feelings, what do you think it’s doing to Cass?”  He sets his empty glass down and laces his fingers together between his knees as he leans on them. 
I lower my head.  “Showing him a monster.”  I mumble. 
“I understand your heart is still mending, Ember, but maybe it’s time for help.  He can help heal you.  Move you forward.  Like him, you were stuck.  This…mistake…it may be a good thing.  I realize now, what a blessing it was when I had mine.  We gods tend to spin in circles a lot.  I think it’s time we both stopped before we get too dizzy to see what we’re missing.”  He presses his lips together and meets my eyes. 
“But what about his fated.  I can’t take that away from him.”  I say solemnly.
He nods slightly.  “Yes.  This Fate thing is a bit of a roadblock, but you’re smart, Ember.  If your heart is true, you’ll figure it out.” 
I nod.  He stands and I stand with him.  “Thanks, Eros.  I know it’s hard to talk about her.”
He scratches his temple.  “It’s fine.”  He smiles.  “It was a good talk.  Gave me a lot to consider.  Now, if you excuse me, I have to pull my grandfather from his thunderbolts and ask him a favor.” 
He escorts me to the door.  “What are you going to do?”  I ask.
He grins a big toothy grin.  I think it’s the first time I’ve ever seen Eros actually happy.  “Fix my goddess.” 
I smile at him.  “Good luck.”  I wave to him and walk out as he pulls out his phone and dials.  “Athena, get granddad…I don’t care if he’s busy, this is important.  The lightning can wait a freaking minute!...”  He shuts the door and I’m left in the hall shaking my head. 
I blink away and appear in Cass' pack house.
“There she is."  Puck booms gleefully.
Cass turns around and hits me with his heart stopping eyes.  I process what Eros said and he’s right.  I am a monster for denying what’s in my heart, but there’s good reason.  Eros' story is not the same as mine.  His power is different than what I can do.  I need to take that into consideration.
I walk to the island.  “Hi.  Sorry.  I just had something I needed to do.”  I glance at Cass and sit down.
“Everything ok?”  He asks.
No.
“Um…yeah.  Sure.  Everything’s good.”  I smile.
“Good.”  Puck says.  He waves his hand over the counter and the arrow appears.  I used to be glad for it, now it gives me dread.  Images of what I’ll have to do flash behind my eyes.  My heart stutters and I hold my breath.
Cass leans to me.  I guess he can tell I’m bothered.  “You alright?”
“Yep.”  I nod and let my breath out.
Puck hands Cass the feather.  He turns the box to him and hands him a lighter.  “You have to burn it, Cass.” 
“Me?  Why me?”  He flips between the two of us. 
“Because this feather represents pure love.  Stuff you’re the king of holding.  In order to destroy that, you have to be the destroyer.” 
He finds my eyes and then looks at the feather.  He hands it back to Puck.  “I can’t.  I can’t do it.”
“Cass, you have to…”  I say.
“Ember, please.  I’m sorry.”  He whines and shakes his head.
I nod and turn to Puck.  “Give me the feather.”  I snatch it and hold it over the box.  I light the feather and it goes up in flames.  In the corner of my eye, I see Cass visibly sink.  The ashes fall onto the shaft and fuse with it.  When it's gone and the last of the fire dies out, I place the lighter in the counter.
I turn to Cass.  He looks at me, sucks in his top lip and nods.  His face is full of pain as he rises from his stool and walks away.  “Cass…”
“I’ll be outside.”  He mumbles and leaves the house.
“Huh.  Someone didn’t want the feather burned apparently.  I wonder why?”  I look at Puck as he shrugs. 
I look back at the door and my gut twists.  I may be pushing this arrow to be made, but I’m not cold enough to ignore how much this is hurting him. 
What’s really starting to get to me is he knows I’m set to break his heart and he still loves me for it.  It’s just my magic.  It has to be.  No one  not inflicted by a love spell would go along with this.  I feel like he would have stopped this a long time ago. 
I walk outside and he’s sitting on the railing of his porch.  The birds are singing in the trees and the breeze brings the nice scent of pine. 
I lean on the railing beside him and tap my fingers together.  “What are you thinking?”  I side eye him.
He looks to the sky.  “Oh…I think lots of things.  Lately, I’ve been thinking what I want to do after this.”
I tick my head.  “That’s easy.  You’ll meet your match and go on to have a happy life.”  I stare out to his driveway.”
He looks down.  “Yeah.  I was thinking about that.”  He turns his head to me.  “I don’t want it.”
I stand up.  “What?”
“I don’t want your kiss.  I want to join you.  I want to be a love bug.”  He says with a serious face.
“But…Cass…your pack…”  I search his face for the joke.
He shrugs.  “I’ll make Kevin Alpha.  He knows the pack just as well as I do.  He does a lot of work here.  They wouldn’t miss me.  I wouldn’t miss me either.  I wasn’t cut out for this life.  I’ve always wanted too much.  Being a love bug, I can give.  Give the love I have.  They way I’ve always wanted.  I don’t want your kiss, Ember.  I want what you got from Valentino.  Think you could do that?”  He questions.
I lower my head and shake it.  “It’s funny.  I was thinking I wanted what you have.  Get out of this.  Move on.  I think it would be nice to be a shifter.  Run in the woods like my nymph.”
“But you said…”  He starts.
“I know what I said, but I realize now, I used Valentino to hide from my issues with Victor.  I became a love bug to dwell on my pain, not heal from it.  I’m spinning the drain.  I think it’s time for something new.  What do you think?”  I glance at him.
“Being a shifter is pretty cool.”  He grins.
“Being a love bug is cool too.”  I smile back.
He jumps down and grabs me in his arms.  “Ok, so I’ll ask Valentino to make me a shifter love bug.  We won’t be mates, but I can be your partner.  We can work together and hang out for the rest of eternity.  If my fated happens, I’ll cross that bridge when it comes.  How’s that sound?” 
I think it over.  Having Cass by my side while we made people happy with finding love actually made me pretty feel pretty good.  He’s amazing to be around and he loves my job.  That was pretty clear. 
“You know what?”  I look up at him.  “I like it.  If love bugs had partners, I couldn’t think of a better one to have than you.  It would definitely be fun.”  I smile.
He smiles back.  “I love your smile.”  He whispers. 
“I love yours too.”  My face falls a bit. 
He leans to my lips.  “You said love.”  He mumbles.
“I did.”  I whisper on his lips. 
He plays with my lips.  “Is that you talking…or the kiss?” 
My eyes turn to slits at the feel of his soft lips on mine.  “I’m not sure anymore.”
“Let’s pretend it’s you.”  He grabs my head and send me into a heart fluttering fog.  I love kissing him.  I love hearing him laugh.  I love it all.
Maybe the reason I think I want to work with him is because I don’t want to lose him just as he doesn’t want to lose me.  We do something to each to each other.  Something beyond magic.  I don’t want to let that go. 
Deep down, I don’t want to let Cass go.