Trying to find my way

I exist (4)

As of today I just prepare myself for tonight's fight. So I didn't really do much today I just stay at home order a pizza and watch T. V. That's my initial, plan but something or should I say someone entered my mind, so I take a shower and drive to the park. I walk for an hour to the forest and stay under the big tree in the middle of a flower field, I stay there for almost 2 hours but I didn't get what my hearts desired.

     I feel sorry for the person that I'm going to fight tonight cause I fell empty. I go to the club early watch others fight until it's get to be my turn. Well I won't get into so much detail in my fight but as I say I feel sorry to my opponent tonight. I get him knock out, that's not the only thing that happened when I feel empty though, but the thing is I waited tell round 5 and decide that it was enough. Round 1 to 4 let's just say I make him my human punching bag.

     After my fight since it was still early as it was Still 7pm I joined Adrian and his friends in the club. I just watch in nothing particular, cause I don't want to be entertained by anyone especially these women. After I get enough of loud music and staying for an hour, I head home take a shower. Decided to watch a movie but, I don't know I think my body have it's own mind before I knew it I was in this place. It was a cute dinner so I have to snap out of the trance that I am right now and go to the counter and order since I haven't got dinner yet. I choose the farthest part of the dinner and eat there. While eating I take my time chewing since I have nothing to do in my house. I watch most of people getting in and out of the dinner. As I don't know what to do and I'm still lost in my thought I decided to go home and do some race, to at least fell my heart beating. I'm heading to the counter and pay for my order and need to order a take out coffee as I walk like a zombie, heading out the dinner and go to race. someone bump me so I take a deep breath because I don't want to make a scene and I'm in a very sour mood today, and as for the reason for my sour mood, there standing in front of me with all her glory, saying sorry but this time I'm no longer in sour mood because all the longing and heavy feeling just fade.

      Are you okay she ask?

     But everything in me just got brainless so I just stood there in fron of the Woman I always stalk as Lixie say or maybe I did stalk her. The woman that drives me insane without knowing it herself. She wave her hand in front of my face to get my attention so I snap a little bit out of my trance but just a little bit though but as I heard her friends and of course her boyfriend laughing because I just stare at this goddess with open mouth and maybe drooling, one of her friends say close your mouth buddy. So I did and I hear her giggles, the giggles that can get me in my knees and worship her beauty. NowI just confirmed it myself I'm so so so whipped with this lady without her knowing it.

     I don't know in what universe it comes from but their is small a very small but noticeable voice whispering snapped out out it and I'm so thankful to that voice so I did snapped out of it while I still can because I don't know but I think my heart will explode right now or I may faint so I did the first though that got in my head. I say sorry and didn't even waste a millisecond and bolt out of the dinner.

     As I was in my car I dont know what happened anymore inside the dinner but what I just really want is that I want to know her, talk to her, or even ask her name well I guest I can't because I turn into a puddle everytime she's near and I just discover that, indeed im a idiot. How im I going to talk to her if this will happened everytime she's near me, oh im so whipped.

      So I decided to head home with a racing heart change my clothes and pick my bike to race. I will race my racing heart. Hoping that in this racing heart and winning the race, someday I will also win the heart of the person who make my heart race.

     But as of the moment I focus on my race and I did win after the race I got home go to sleep picturing the imagine of the woman who will never be mine.

     Repeating the scene in my head even though I embarrass myself all I can think of is that, now she knows I exist. I slowly close my eyes and drift into the deep slumber hoping to see her again even just in my dreams.