Nobody Like You

Going On A Break

Lia

My heart is a messy, tangled yarn.

I've never felt this way before—so full of conflicting emotions, none of which I can place a name to.

What is this feeling? This is worse than when I was in my lowest times. I am not sad, or angry, or annoyed; I am all of those and none of those at the same time.

My head slams against the couch as I let out a frustrated sigh. Why am I feeling this way?

It must be because of the Thanksgiving holiday. I am used to feeling a certain way at home and another way with Yeju, and these feelings constantly clashed when Yeju was in the house. The yarns of my mind were tugged back and forth, and now they are in utter chaos.

It made me so irritable too. Guilt crawls in me as I remember how many times I snapped at Yeju on the first night back home. I apologized the next morning—and the rest of the holiday was wonderful—but I know it solved nothing. The war inside my heart persisted and grew.

Argh, maybe I shouldn't have invited Yeju over. We weren't ready.

My chemistry textbook falls to the ground as I roll over on the couch. Oh well, nothing is going into my brain anyway.

I grab my laptop and open my web browser. Back to my quest of reading up more about colibactin.

The door opens. I twist around to see Yeju taking off her shoes.

"Oh, you're back early," I remark.

"Yep, I just went to the lab for a quick wrap-up of things." She drops her backpack; it thumps on the floor like a heavy sack of potatoes. "Now, all I need to do is to finish up my thesis. Gotta pump it out by the end of the year. The deadline is getting really close now."

"Congrats again, Yeju."

"Thanks, babe." She jumps to the spot next to me and wraps her arm around my waist. "What are you working on?"

"Oh! I'm trying to help you!" My smile widens as I turn my laptop to show her what I've been doing. "You told me you needed to include an extensive literature review in your thesis, so I've been finding a bunch of papers for you to include. I love reading them so I figured I can help you write a little while I'm at it, and then you can edit it after—"

"Wait, wait, Lia." Yeju's body stiffens. Her strained voice is a splash of cold water on my excitement. "You- You shouldn't have... You can't..."

"Huh, why? I know I haven't been helping as much with lab work, but I enjoy reading and writing. I can help you with this!"

"But you..." Yeju's eyes dart away. "You can't work with me anymore."

I stare at her, desperately hoping for her to take that statement back. It can't be true... can it?

But Yeju just has to pop my bubble. "I, uh, met with Victoria just now," she continues, "and she's going to give you a new project to work on. We can chat about that now if you'd like. I can help you find something—"

A tear escapes my eyes and halts Yeju mid-sentence.

"L - Lia?"

"Are you pushing me away?" I croak.

Yeju sits up. "No, of course not! It's- It's for the best! Don't you want to keep doing experiments? I'm leaving the lab soon."

"But I thought I'll at least be able to help you one last time. I love this project, you know that."

"I do know that." Yeju wipes the tear off my cheek with her thumb. "But Victoria and I chatted, and she wanted us to be on different projects—"

"So she told you about changing my project and you just agreed with her?" Indignation rises within me. "You know, when she emailed me a few months ago about the other projects I could do, I stood by you and your project. Why can't you do the same for me? I thought you liked working with me. I thought I was helpful!"