Nobody Like You

Lia's Letter

Hi Eunice,

How have you been?

Yeah, I know, that's a dumb question to ask. You can't answer me. This is a letter.

But I've been well, if you want to know. Doing much better than I thought I ever would, to be honest. When you walked away from me that day, I thought my world was ending. It took me hours to breathe right again and another few weeks to be able to leave the house. It was the worst summer of my life. But now... I'm doing okay. Really.

How long has it been since that day, by the way? Six months? Slightly longer than that? It's been way too long. You know, we used to never go a single day without talking to each other.

Do you remember that camping trip I had to go on in ninth grade? You couldn't join me, so you rented a pocket Wi-Fi for me just so I could video call you even when my phone did not have connections in the mountains. I pretended to be annoyed and complained about how bulky that thing was and how it did not fit into my pocket. But I was so happy. I wanted to keep talking to you too.

You were my safe space, did you know that?

And look at us now. You have me blocked on your phone and every social media site, such that I need to write this letter to you. How quickly and drastically things can change, huh?

If you tossed this letter without even reading it, it's okay. If I mean this little to you, I will have to learn to accept that. But Eunice, I just want to at least have a chance to talk to you. To tell you how I've been feeling. To see if we can mend anything between us. To try... something.

That day, it took everything in me to confess. I didn't tell you this—because I didn't get to—but I had come out to my family the week before. You can probably guess how my mother reacted to it. Spoiler alert: the same way she reacts to every piece of news I tell her.

I was crushed, Eunice. And at the same time, shame crawled in my heart, because I knew the reason I came out to my parents was not... sincere. "Being gay for attention" is a terrible stereotype that queer people get—and that was exactly what I did. I wanted attention from my mother. I came out to get some, and I didn't get any. I crushed my heart for nothing.

The next week, I picked my heart back up, gathered the rest of my courage, and came out to you. Because while I didn't have a sincere intent to come out to my parents, I did for you. You were my best friend, and I wanted to let you know more about the real me, to let you see the part of me I've been hiding from the world, to let you see the full picture of who Ophelia Choi is.

You were my safe space. Did I say that already?

But never in my wildest nightmares would I have imagined you to do what you did, Eunice. You just... walked away from me. Without a word.

Without even a glance back at me.

Did you know how much you've hurt me with this reaction? You crushed me more than my parents had, Eunice. You took my already broken pieces of heart and stomped on them harder. You took every ounce of courage and hope in me... and discarded it down the drain.

But you know what's worse?

I couldn't hate you.

How could I? You were the sweet girl who left her circle of friends to talk to the shy girl in the corner. You were the generous friend who buys candies I like and shares them with me every day. You were the kind person who volunteers so much of her time to animal shelters and free tutoring for kids. You were the person I knew for almost a decade, the person I respected and admired, the person with the biggest heart I know.

The person I fell in love with.

Yet you didn't extend your big heart to me that day. Did your heart run out of space? Or did I somehow not deserve your kindness?

And has this been worth it for you?

That day, we both lost a close friend. I've let many people in my life slip away because of mistakes I've made, but I've also learned that these mistakes can be amended, these relationships can be fixed. So I am writing this letter to offer another chance to... talk. To try to understand each other. To repair our lost friendship.

If that's not what you want, that's fine too. After everything that happened, I have now moved on and am doing very well for myself. I am going to live my life as my true, unapologetic self from now on. If you cannot accept that, maybe you should toss this letter away after all.

But if you want a friend back, well, so do I. And you know how to find me.

I missed you, Eunice. I missed us. 

With love,

Lia

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