Nobody Like You

Conversations With The Exes

Lia

Professor Song's smile falters when she sees me.

"Good morning," I say with as much enthusiasm as I can muster. But no matter how much I try to hide it, my lack of sleep and hours of crying must still have been obvious on my face—and obvious to Professor Song.

"Good morning, Lia." She gestures for me to sit. "Did Yeju talk to you about potential new projects?"

I can't help but wince at the question. Yeju did try to talk to me about that, and I didn't take it too well. I haven't been taking anything well recently.

"Not really," I admit.

"I figured. She emailed me last night about her plans to write her thesis back home in New Jersey. It sounded like a last-minute decision." She lets out a small sigh. "I hope it wasn't because of what I said. That wasn't what I meant when I told her to stay away from the lab."

Stay away from the lab? Before I can ask her to explain further, Professor Song leans toward me.

"So, what project are you interested in, Lia? I'm happy to give you something new to work on. The other projects I told you about at the start of the semester are still available, but we can look into others as well, depending on your interests."

What am I interested in? Everything—is what I want to say, and what I've always said in the past. I'm interested in working on anything and everything, as long as I get to learn something cool.

But for some reason, the words do not come.

After a brief moment of silence, Professor Song frowns. "Would you like me to give you more time to think about it?"

My cheeks flush with embarrassment. "Actually, I- I was very interested in helping Yeju with the literature review for her thesis. I enjoy reading for her project and wanted to try my hands at writing something scientific, but..."

I expect to see the same frenzied expression Yeju gave me. Instead, Professor Song wears a look of delight.

"Oh, that is wonderful, Lia! Science writing is a noble pursuit—and a rare one too! Most scientists hate writing. I mean, I hate it too; the literature review portion of a paper or grant is my least favorite part to write, and it's exciting that you're interested in it. Would you like to help me with some of my grants?"

"Grants?"

"They're how I pay for the lab and the students. There's a lot that goes into a grant: a literature review, an overview of results and data we've collected so far, what we plan to do next with the money, and how it can impact the world. You can help me research and write up a draft of a grant, at least the literature review portion of it, and I can edit it. It'll save some work for me, and you'll get to learn about the grant writing process. What do you think?"

A grin plasters across my face. That is the coolest thing I've ever heard, and I accept the offer with no hesitation.

We spend the next few minutes discussing the details; I ask a few more questions about grant writing, while Professor Song gives me a copy of her past grants for my reference. By the end of the meeting, I am buzzing with excitement.

When I leave the office, however, my mood dips again.

It has only been a few days since I've been inside the lab, but it feels like a completely different place now. I find myself looking around for Yeju—rushing around in her lab coat or instructing other students on the instruments—even though I know she is not here. She will never be here again.