Case 420 /finished BxB/

19. younger

I still remember the time. The time we used to spend together as kids. Me and ash running over the playground with no care in the world.

We used to live close to eachother. A short 3 minute walk from one house to the other. It was perfect in our view.

The neighborhood was nice enough to let us go out on the street alone but not like a rich neighborhood. Middle class could be used to discribe it.

We grew up with eachother from a young age. I was born in the same house and we never moved. He came here when he was 6 and our parents got along and so did we.

At first he spoke very little english but it didnt bother us as we communicated with drawings and hands. Later when we grew older he started to speak english just as well as me.

We ran and ran everywhere. We had so much energy left even after a long day. We played on the small playground in the middle of the neighborhood.

Some days my older sister had to watch over us but we didnt mind. We acted like she wasnt there and sometimes when she felt like it we would invite her to play too.

We would do hide and seek whenever we felt like it and discussed our big dreams and promised each other things we couldnt keep.

"We will forever be friends" ash said with a huge smile on his face. Flashing his teeth missing a few of them. His cheeks red flushed from the running we did and his eyes bright and light.

"Of cource we will be friends" i say. I shouldve known better but i was so young. "Later when were big we should buy a house here" i say and ash smiles at the thought of it.

"If we do that we need to have a big room for snacks and a huge tv" he says with huge gestures with his body. "and we should be able to draw on the walls with crayons" i add exited.

We once got cought by his parents when we were drawing with crayons in his bedroom. We did it to 'make the space beautiful' and said that this would fix it.

We didnt know that they wouldnt like it or give us both punishments for what we did. Atleast we did it from a pure heart.

"And i want a shared room with each other so when you get a nightmare i am there for you" i say and flash a huge smile at him. "I love that idea" he says excited.

Even when we were younger he had nightmares every few days. He told me he hated them so much but they wouldnt go away.

Sometimes when he said he could 'feel' he would have a nightmare he would beg mine and his parents to let me have a sleep over because i would shoo the monsters away.

Sometimes especially in the weekends they would allow it. At one point most of my clothes were at his house and a lot more times then i would like to admit i had to run back to his house to get my toothbrush that i had forgotten there.

"And we should get a big dog to keep us save" ash says excited. Both our voices are loud like they couldnt be heared by anyone else. We didnt even care if anyone else heared what we said.

At school everything was the same. We were in the same grade and in the same class. We sat next to each other in class after protesting to our teacher because she thought we wouldn't make any other friends this way.

Her rules were that we had to talk to other kids to and have other friends. We had to be silent and not talk during her lesson so that we wont disturbe her and if she found out we did our homework together she will separate us again.

We did everything off that whole list except the homework part. We had a small friendgroup with more kids from the class. We liked the other kids too and got along but we didnt like them like the way we like eachother.

We were much rather just alone with the 2 of us. We didnt care if we were talking about flying unicorns or space rangers aslong as we were together.

We rarely fought but at the times we did we were miserable. We would often apologize after a hour or so because we felt guilty.

When we were around 11 ash got his first 'girlfriend'. I hated her. Ash always tried to involve her with everything. They would sometimes hold hands and would squeal over it like it was the best thing ever.

She got involved in our games we thought of and some of the inside jokes we made for the two of us. I disliked her a lot but i didnt want to say it to ash.

He would probably get mad at me because he liked her so much. I asked her why he liked her and he said because she is nice. I was so mad at him because i thought maybe i wasnt nice enough so it would just be us.

I wanted to feel included and decided to have my own girlfriend. The next day in school i walked up to the best option i had and told her i liked her.

She agreed that she liked me too and we started 'dating'. I told ash immediately and he looked like he approved but didnt say much of it.

One day when we were all at the school playground i helt her hands and ash saw it. I didnt know why i helt her hands or why i felt so happy when he looked miserable.

The 'relationships' we had didnt last longer then 2 weeks but we didnt care. I broke up with mine the same day he broke up with his. I was so relieved and he was too.

In a movie we saw that when youre heartbroken you should get a tub of icecream and cry while eating it and thinking about them and listing to music that reminded you of them.

We went to a small convenience store and got a cheap tub of chocolate icecream because apparently that was the best one to overcome the heartbreak with.

We ran to his house so the icecream wouldnt melt in the meantime. When we got to his house we realised we didnt have a song to cry to except this old mp3 player he had with shared earphones.

His mom got him the mp3 player when he told them he wanted to be a pianists when he was younger. She downloaded all the piano music she could get for free and gave it to him.

She got him a small piano from a yardsale but he got bored of it way to soon and gave up because the 'notes didnt sound right' he had no idea what notes were or what theyre supposed to sound like but the small guide for the piano mentioned them. She got rit of the piano but not of the mp3.

Ash holds the small thing and scrolls through the list of songs on there. "I like the title of this one" he says and stops at "ode to Vivian" we didnt know what the title ment but it sounded fancy so we used it.

We played it over and over and over. The song didnt have any connection to the girls we 'dated' but we didnt care. We had more connection to the song together then the girls did to the song.

We ate a full tub of the icecream and we felt like we were going to explode from the inside out. But we enjoyed what we did even if it was that simple like fake crying while eating icecream and listening to music.

Even though we got older and older our bond never changed. When we were 14 we were still happy.

We thought we could live up to the promise we made of forever being friends. I believed it with my whole soul and so did he.

We talked about our future plans of highschool and college. We made the perfect plans to get similar grades so we can go to the same places. We were acting like we were all grown and had it together.

My older sister told me that its nonsense and that we would probably be separated but we were so sure we wouldnt.

We made eachother a bracelet from a bracelet making kit at the store and we told eachother that its our promise to not leave eachother.

At the age of 15 is when it all happend. When our lives changed and when everything we knew wasnt true.

I found out about that all the day i lost the bracelet.

The last time i saw him was at a funural
of his parents with red eyes who cried to let him stay with me. He begged the person who was taking him away and tried fighting his way out to reach me.

Even after everything that happend to him was because of me. He still tried to reach for me. He tried to reach for my hand but got pulled away..