No Salt

34- Honesty Prevents Hurt

~Song: All My Love

I was lost in my own thoughts for the rest of dinner.

All they talked about was the party.

Kia said something about it being "the night to remember."

Josh saying "he wasn't lucky, he just knew how to get it."

I tuned them out.

My thoughts focused on the look Nora had given me.

I walked home quickly, knowing Nora would be there.

Only she would be locked in her room, her safe space.

I bit my bottom lip hard as I walked up the front stairs. 

Opening the front door, I slammed it shut, quickly rethinking my actions I took a deep breath.

Calming myself down. I wasn't angery at Nora, I was angry at myself for even going to the dinner.

Taking off my shoes I left them by the door before making my way down the hall.

I looked at Nora's door, debating for a moment if she was even in there.

Walking up to it, I stopped short of opening it.

Knowing me going in Nora's room would break her trust even more.

I knocked on her door hoping to here her tell me to go away, just so I would know she was in there.

But I got no response.

"Nora?" I asked, my voice soft but loud enough to be heard on the other side of the door.

I bit the inside of my cheek, looking down at the floor I couldnt see any light shine through the bottom of the door.

"Nora, I don't know if you're in there, but if you are could you listen?" I asked almost begging.

"Nora." I said letting her name roll off my tongue.

"Nora, I'm sorry." I stated, leaving no room for questioning behind my voice.

"Nora, I know I lied to you. I did, I won't deny it, but it was just this one time." I licked my lips as I thought.

I'd gotten the idea that Josh was abusive to Nora, I wasn't aware of the extent but I'm sure if it was even remotely physical it was also mental.

"Nora, you can stay mad at me. I know I messed up, but I want you to know one thing.
That was the only thing I lied about, nothing else."

I rested my forehead on Nora's door, taking in a deep breath before continuing to speak.

"Everything else was true. I like you Nora, I really do. And you're really beautiful, its no wonder O'Neal and other surf magazines are all over you. And Nora you do deserve the world, and a better person. Not me, I fucked up, I should have told you about the dinner but I didn't." 

I hesitated, backing away from the door.

I'd caused so much mental damage today, I was aware of that.

If Nora was in there, she didn't have to speak to me if she didn't want to.

"I'm sorry Nora." I said one more time before retreating to my room.

I took in a deep breath and shut my own door.

I took off my shirt and sat down on my bed.

My leg bouncing up and down at a rapid speed.

Nora had told me mental games play a huge factor in surfing.

Thats why she didn't want to put a label on us.

Nora new emotions get in the way of a good performance.

I put my head in my hands.

Would this fuck with how well she surfs?

Had I messed up this entire competition for her?

She was so nervous and I made it worse.

I'd definitely got in my head, but my surfing didn't matter. 

I wanted to scream, but I didn't. Knowing better with Nora's bedroom next door.

Leaning back on the wall behind my bed I hoped Nora could hear my apology.

I hoped she understood that it wasn't her fault, that not everyone lied to her.

Not everyone she liked was out to use her for surfing.

I hope she knew she was perfect.

Because I lied to her about the dinner she probably figured I lied about that too.

She probably didn't even believe the apology... if she was even in her room to hear it.

I sucked in a sharp breath, two days till the competition.

Please don't let me be the reason Nora doesn't surf well.

Words: 729