Ad Astra

Chapter 33

In the morning, I wake slowly, savoring the warmth of the morning sunlight on my skin. In a drowsy trance, I reach my hand out to feel Asteria beside me, but I am greeted by cold sheets. I open my eyes more fully, finding Asteria not lying in bed, but, rather, seated on the edge, her back turned to me. The events of the night return to me in a blur – how I made a decision I could never have seen myself making months before.

I chose Asteria over my family. I'm still unsure whether that was the right choice or not.

Even now, my cheeks burn with the realization that I had last night. Perhaps I am young and naïve, but I cannot deny I love Asteria. I almost want to call weakly to her to tell her so, but I suddenly become a coward. I suppose I cannot say for certain whether Asteria loves me back, and I'm not sure if it would be fair to tell her either.

"Asteria?" I ask groggily.

Finally, she turns to glance at me. "Oh. Fe," she says. Her voice is sorrowful, and judging by the bags under her eyes, she didn't have the pleasure of sleeping as peacefully as me. "Good morning."

"How long have you been awake?" I ask as I push the covers back and sit up.

"A few hours," she says quietly. Her shoulders slouch, and I can tell she is still hurting. I don't blame her. I am only now recognizing how much the words from my mother's tongue have stung as well.

"How are you feeling?" I ask.

Asteria lets out a long, shaky sigh. I realize she must have been crying earlier; her eyes are reddened and slightly puffy. I want to wrap her in my arms and kiss her, but it feels wrong in the moment. With the way she is holding herself, I can tell she does not want to be touched.

"I'm okay," she says. It's a lie if I've ever recognized one. "I talked to my father this morning, actually. I've received permission to leave this evening."

My eyes widen. "That would cut our trip short by—"

"Two days, yes," Asteria confirms. "We'll have to attend one last strategy meeting this morning, and then we can take the afternoon train to Okchester." She must notice the shock in my face because her voice becomes imbued with sadness. "I want to go home, Fe. To Esterpool."

Esterpool will never be home to me. I never thought it was home to Asteria either, but I cannot deny how much I want to escape this hellhole of a castle. I cannot imagine how furious Kiana will be to learn I am leaving early, and, of course, that I did not show last night, but I am also ready for this journey to end. Kiana and I have schemed enough. I do not think Asteria nor I can last another day of being threatened by the king and prince.

"I want to head back, too," I agree. I cannot hold back any longer. I scoot closer to her, until I can make out the faint scent of her perfume and feel her warm breath on my skin. I reach forward slowly, cupping my hands around her cheeks, and bring her mouth to mine. There is a new sadness in our kiss that I have never experienced before; salty tears mixed with warmth. I dislike it.

"I will need to go speak to Felicity to let her know I am leaving," I say to Asteria as we pull apart. "Will you be able to get breakfast on your own?"

Asteria nods. Later, I dress her in silence, thankful it is the last time I will have to do so in Magewell. Then, I leave her behind to head towards the maid quarters. I pick at my meal, still feeling shaken from the day prior. In the distance, I spot Felicity and wave her towards me.

"Good morning, Fe," she says with a smile. When I do not greet her with the same vivacity, she frowns. "Is something the matter?"

"Oh. No. Well...I suppose I should tell you that I am leaving earlier than expected. The princess and I will be departing later this morning, after the strategy meeting," I say.