Runesight

16 - a long time ago

--- Turste ---

In the darkness between moments as he fought for his own mind, he remembered who he was before.

He remembered the winter whenever he started to waver, he remembered that first winter he'd seen a ferien, when he'd first decided there was beauty in the world. He remembered the graceful gait of the hunter in the ash, looking for smaller creatures to consume. He remembered watching as it caught a pest and turned toward him with a tilted head. Curious as to his presence.

Oh winters and stars they were beautiful. He remembered feeling the rebellion in his steps as he came out into the ash every year to see the creatures hunt. Soon he knew them better than he knew himself.

"Are you trying to activate your blood? You know that's against the rules, right?"

He looked up from the three beautiful hunters and remembered seeing his sister, arms folded, nose up to the clouds. He didn't answer her question. "Aren't they beautiful?"

His sister snorted, "They're beasts. Just like everything else they'll want to destroy it." Now, he couldn't even remember what 'it' was. What had they been protecting?

The memory drifted.

He remembered as the years passed by, as the grand cities forged new ships. He remembered as the people took and took and took from the land. That was an important change, wasn't it? He remembered visiting the ferien, studying them, and finally learning to shift to their forms. He remembered the joy that brought him, dancing through the ashes of winter. The heightened senses and the feeling of his paws bouncing across the land until winter ended and he was forced to just be himself again. So much less against the feeling of his active blood.

He remembered finally boarding one of those new ships the grand cities had forged and leaving his home forever. Never seeing a ferien again until the end of the memories.

Darkness again. What else did he remember?

--- Fora ---

The sky was getting lighter.

That always gave me hope for the future, a strong feeling of resilience that poked into my mind against the floods of sadness I'd been so prone to ever since the Silvi barrier.

I'd like to say I was strong enough to simply push past the pains and losses, but it was still hitting home just how much I'd missed. The chance to be normal, the small and simple moments with those I'd cared about. Aneles was gone, Raia was gone, even that dragon who was almost too thoroughly scrubbed from my mind was probably gone.

That sunrise stirred my mind, tired from the nightmares and weary from disuse. It reminded me that I had to look to the future. I had to make sure I could one day be happy.

That's all I needed really, in order to get up out of bed and make my way down the stairs.

I wanted to feel happy for accomplishing so much, but all I could feel were the flashes of blood, the battlefield of ash, and the queen of the dragons ripping my throat out. I couldn't help but remember the face of the other dragon, the one who seemed like he'd wanted the world to be better.

Contradictions upon contradictions.

A big part of me wished I'd been able to keep the mask of Eliax on for longer, wished that I still had that protection.

I instinctively strengthened my mental barriers as I descended the stairs. Wondering how much longer it would be before I was strong enough. I was supposed to be strong enough. I was supposed to be able to do anything I tried for. I was supposed to be able to look at myself and to see someone who could accomplish what I needed her to.