𝐇𝐨𝐨𝐤𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐔𝐩 𝐖𝐢𝐭𝐡 𝐌𝐲 𝐆𝐢𝐫𝐥𝐟𝐫𝐢𝐞𝐧𝐝'𝐬 𝐁𝐨𝐲𝐟𝐫𝐢𝐞𝐧𝐝

Chapter 14: Secrets And Lies

A/N: WARNING!!! This chapter will have attempted suicide so if you aren't comfortable with reading please skip this chapter :)))

Sage Pov

No matter how much I wanted to hate him I couldn't. Dominic was the reason my brother was giggling and squealing everyday.

I felt happy that he was happy. Sal. My brother who cried when he realized he was being two timed.my brother who tried to comfort me after the asshole ran away. My brother was the reason I'm holding on. Holding on for my life.

I couldn't bring myself to meet his eyes every time I cut my self to shed the blood I couldn't save. The blood which was going to be leaving my body soon.

I slowly walked towards the door. I grasped the doorknob, debating whether to open it or not.

With a heavy sigh I flung open the door ready to survive another day of life. A life I wanted to give up on. A life I wanted to end.

I touched the marks on my thighs which were newly cut last night. I poured my self a cup of coffee while I thought of last night.

The third time I held the knife to my throat thinking weather I should end my life right there and then. But just before I could stab it my mind instantly flashed the memory of my brother crying.

I couldn't. Not until he was in safe hands. I decided to push the thought further away until he was with his loved one.

I took a deep breath while washing my cup. I hung it on the cup holder and went to my room to go get ready for university.

Lost in thought I pulled a shirt over my head. Should I do it? Should I end this? I did have no reason to live anymore. I broke out of my storm of thoughts when I realized I wore two different pair of socks.

Sigh. When will I finally get my happiness?

Before I went to go wake Sal and Ethan up I took my journal out. Everytime I cut or did self harm it's normal for me to journal about it. Sigh. It shouldn't be a journal now. It should be a track of everytime I did self harm.

Dear Journal,

As usual this is a sad entry. Not that sad. It's no different that I held again held a knife to my throat. It's normal. Not my first time writing this. But my concern is, why am I hesitating? I want to end this. I want to end this life of misery I'm suffering. But why can't I end it?

I'm debating whether I should end it or not. Sal is happy and that's the only reason I was living for. I told myself. Until Sal was happy I would continue living. To make him happy. Now he doesn't need me to make him happy.

He has Dominic, Ethan, Mom and his college friends. He's happy. I know he would cry if I did this but he would get over it. Right? He's a strong boy. He would survive. I just hope this won't lead him to end his. He's happy. He has Dominic to live for. But I don't. I don't have a Dominic to live for.

Now that Sal is happy why am I living? I can do it now right? I asked myself. My heart replied. "What about your dream?" My brain responded. "I don't care. I want this to end." What should I do? Do I end it? I'm getting dangerously closer to the thought of killing me.

Journal. This might be one of my last entries. But let's hope I make it. Maybe I will survive. Maybe not. But let's hope. My brain hopes I could kill me. My heart hopes I survive.

Through the pitch black darkness I'm trapped in. Will there be a light for me to follow?

Sage. 27th July 2017