On Friday, I took Rice-Boy Larry across the street for Napalm chicken. It's pretty much a ritual. We go to that restaurant at least once a week. And we struck up a conversation as we stuffed our fat faces with smoking-hot poultry. The sauce the lady uses to produce Napalm chicken is so potent that it can actually leave blisters on your tongue. I shit you not.
Larry said, "I almost got into serious trouble the other day."
I took a sip of beer. "What happened?"
"Somebody told the office that I used the word nigger during class."
"Holy fucking shit! Are you out of your mind? That word can get you killed...even in Asia."
He held up his hands in a sign of surrender. "I didn't say it. The snitch handed the wrong name to the leadership."
"So they caught the actual culprit?"
Larry nodded. "He was given five detentions."
"And what about you?"
"They yelled at me for a few minutes, but I told them that they had nabbed the wrong man."
I took another swallow of beer. "So why did the snitch give the office your name?"
He shrugged his shoulders. "Perhaps she heard me laughing."
I shook my head in dismay. "You laughed? Boy, you must be crazy."
He nodded his head up and down. "I'm guilty as charged. It came as such a surprise that I couldn't help myself."
"Did you get any detentions?"
"Of course not. You can't get punished for laughing."
Rice-Boy has spent his entire life in Korea, and this whole peninsula is loaded with racists. If you aren't Korean, then you're viewed as a lesser human being...especially if you're black or southeast Asian. But one day in the near future, my son will be a proud American with a job in the States. So he has to learn to act accordingly to avoid savage beatdowns by angry gang members. Final analysis? The n-word is definitely a no-no.
We got back to the apartment at 9 p.m., and I switched on Netflix.
I said, "Do you want to watch Midsommar with your old man?"
"OK. I'll give it a try."
But the streaming service is no longer carrying the movie here in Korea. So we settled for a flick called The Descent, instead. It's about these chicks who explore caves in Appalachia. Anyway, they are accosted by monsters and end up dying gruesome deaths. I enjoyed the film a great deal, but Larry thought it was stupid.
The next day, I woke up at 6 a.m. and called my mother using Facebook Messenger.
Mom said, "Do you have any plans for the weekend?"
"Yes. I have to clean my bathrooms and do a million loads of laundry."
"Sounds like fun."
"It shouldn't be too grueling this time around. I bought a mop over the internet."
She cackled like a witch. "A mop? What good is that going to do you?"
"Usually, I clean my toilets in the nude. That way, I can scrub the floors without ruining my clothing with the bleach. So this mop should work wonders."
And do you sons of bitches want to know something? I was a hundred percent correct. I got all my chores done in half the time it usually takes me.
Later in the afternoon, I received an email from my accountant. He told me that he's broke and asked to borrow five-hundred dollars. For some reason, I found the news very disturbing. In fact, it actually brought tears to my eyes. I don't know why.
